Hey Dark Dimension. Firstly, congrats on getting the game out the door and live on itch.io - an impressive milestone in itself!
Some very quick notes from me on the page:
- Find some time to create some core brand elements for your game: your store page should, at a minimum, take advantage of a logo for your game, and a piece of key art which can be used as the header. Match the rest of the page's theme (colour and font) to your brand elements, and you'll have a cohesive looking page which represents your game.
- Sell the player fantasy. Your page opens with aim and objective of the game. This is great, but doesn't let me know the wider world or theme I'm buying into. Visitors to your page will be attracted to the player-fantasy you're offering first and foremost. What is the experience you're selling? What role do I assume as a player in your game? Am I hitman? Do I raid tombs? Do I explore post-apocalyptic wastelands? I can see from your game that I likely solve puzzles - which is great - but you need to package that up and sell it with a strong theme that gives the game an ownable identity.
- Spend some time to really nail the language that communicates what your game is all about. Create a sharp razor - a sentence description which sells the game in as few words as possible, and open with that. Don't force people to work to understand what you're selling; get to the point quickly, then build out from there and layer in the detail. Visuals are an obvious point of focus for store pages, but langauge is really powerful tool which can be overlooked.
- User text headers to separate content - break your game down, and chunk your page into themed content. Open with an attention grabbing intro that sells the big picture and lays out the premise/player fantasy. Then you could have a header for features, and bullet out the game's key mechanics or points of differentiation. Divvy up your page to make things easier for the viewer on a quick scan.
- Let people know where to find out more! If somebody has found their way to your page, you have their attention. Use this moment to promote the game's website (if it has one), your social channels, and where they can find out more. Hustle! :)
For more on store pages - and Itch-specific advice - there's a section in my book, The Zero-Budget Game Marketing Manual (and there's a free version, too!)
Hope this helps somewhat!