Finally got some free time, so I am back with another round of too many grammar complaints! (And some glitch I noticed in chapter 2, you can just scroll to the bottom for that one kek)
Ahem
Chapter 1: Prologue - The Girl in the Red Hood
1. “For that matter you don’t even hear a sound either”, should have a comma between matter and you (maybe there should also be a comma between sound and either? Not sure about that one)
Choice: Look out the Window
2. “Gazing out at the school grounds though”, should have a comma between grounds and though
Choice: Examine the Classroom
3. “All of the desks, save for your own are empty”, should have a comma between own and are
Choice: Exit the Classroom
4. “it stand out. It’s almost deafening.” There are 2 spaces between “out.” and “It’s”
5. Just my personal opinion, “You begin to be filled with an eerie sense of foreboding” feels awkward, at least to me. “begin to be” just sounds rather … meandering? Iunno. Imo, “You’re slowly filled with” sounds better.
Choice: Examine the other (why’s other not capitalized?) Rooms
6. “Carefully you peak into the room across the hall”, should have a comma between carefully and you, and “peak” should be “peek”
7. “What’s more you realize”, should have a comma between more and you
8. “They lack in that feeling that these spaces have ever been ‘lived in’ ” It’s technically correct, I think, but it is kinda awkward. “They’re lacking in” is clearer for the reader.
9. The sentence right after, “And perhaps, even worse.” I … don’t quite get what this is referring to?
Choice: Head for the Front Doors
10. “as if this place was a snap shot”, there shouldn’t be a space between snap and shot
11. “It felt so … dream like”, there shouldn’t be a space between dream and like
Choice: Look for a phone (why’s phone not capitalized?)
12. “At this point you we’re pretty much out of options”, there should be a comma between point and you, and “we’re” should be “were”
13. “But of course, the faculty office”, there should be a comma between but and of (not 100% certain on this one)
14. “If you knew this would have happened you”, there should be a comma between happened and you
15. “No use complaining now though”, there should be a comma between now and though
16. “drag your feet back up the stairs and head for the nearest class room”, there shouldn’t be a space between class and room
17. “Atop the teachers desk is an outdated”, “teachers” should be “teacher’s”
18. “What the f!ck man”, there should probably be a comma between f!ck and man, but, honestly, I think no comma works better to convey how ticked off Red is lol.
19. “You can’t explain it but, it feels safe”, there should be a comma between the first it and the but
20. “It did’t make any sense.” “did’t” should be “didn’t”
21. “Confused you look around but there is”, there should be a comma between confused and you, and a comma between around and but
22. “Not you but, another room.” there should be a comma between you and but, instead of the comma between but and another
23. “Instead your hand moves through it.” there should be a comma between instead and your
Choice: Yes (to “shall we play a game”)
Choice: Yes (to the conditions)
24. “We’re ready to begin then!”, there should be a comma between begin and then
25. “Though her walk is not pointless”, given the context, there should be a comma between though and her, for the seemingly intended implication of “However, her walk is not pointless” rather than “Despite the fact that her walk is not pointless”.
Alright, let’s rewind a bit. Choice: No (to the conditions)
26. “This is just a silly game after all”, there should be a comma between game and after
Rewind just a bit further …
Choice: No (to “shall we play a game”)
Choice: Okay, I’ll play …
Nothing of note here.
Choice: I want to leave
Oh lmao that’s an ending.
Anyways, nothing of note here either.
Ok, let’s rewind to the front doors.
Choice: Find a window you can open (what happened to the capitalization)
27. “The first floor windows aren’t exactly ones you can open, so you ascend the stairs back to the first floor” You … start at the first floor, and go up the stairs, to the first floor? That doesn’t sound right.
28. “try to lift it open, but, it doesn’t budge” The comma between but and it is unnecessary.
29. “like the door, there doesn’t appear to be anyway to do so”, “anyway” should be “any way”
Rewind back to the doors …
Choice: Try to force the door open (no capitalization here either, ok I guess)
30. “And strangely there’s no actual latch”, there should be a comma between “and” and “strangely”, and “strangely” and “there’s”
Choice: Look for a different way (no capitalization, why is Front Doors capitalized?)
31. “think about it for a moment but, it’s really not worth the trouble”, there should be a comma between moment and but, instead of the comma between but and it’s
Nothing else of note, rewind back.
Choice: Try to smash the window (something something capitalization)
Choice: Smash the window (...)
32. “Overcome by fear you struggle with the door”, there should be a comma between fear and you
33. “In a panic you resume your efforts”, there should be a comma between panic and you
34. “you smash the window as hard as you can and it finally gives way”, there should be a comma between “can” and “and”
35. “Quickly you force your arm through the opening as jagged blades”, there should be a comma between quickly and you, and a comma between opening and as
Death. Rewind.
Choice: Find a place to hide (capitalization something something)
36. “Feeling like you had no other options you dart”, there should be a comma between options and you
37. “race past the series of identical rooms you make a choice”, there should be a comma between rooms and you
38. “making sure that whatever it is, isn’t close enough to see where you are, and once you’re, certain you head into”, there should be a comma between certain and you, instead of the comma between you’re and certain. Also, I don’t think the comma between “is” and “isn’t” is necessary.
Choice: Hide under the teachers desk (“teachers” should be “teacher’s”)
39. “Carefully you force yourself under the teachers desk”, there should be a comma between carefully and you, and “teachers” should be “teacher’s”
40. “Your heart beat grows faster”, there shouldn’t be a space between heart and beat
41. “a loud sound pierces your ear drums”, there shouldn’t be a space between ear and drums
42. “Blood pours out of you and the next thing”, there should be a comma between “you” and “and”
43. “the next thing you know your torso collapses”, there should be a comma between know and your
44. “The last thing you hear, is a piercing voice”, the comma between is and hear is unnecessary
Death. Rewind.
Choice: Hide in the supply closet
45. “Quietly you open the supply closet”, there should be a comma between quietly and you
46. “But worst case scenario you might be able”, there should be a comma between but and worst, and a comma between scenario and you. Also, worst case should be worst-case.
47. “But against your wishes, the door”, there should be a comma between but and against
48. “Her bare feet take methodical, slow steps toward you”, early line break after steps
49. “She heads to the teachers desk”, “teachers” should be “teacher’s”
50. “At last you exit from the supply closet”, there should be a comma between last and you
51. “You can make out small footprints where your pursuer once stood but”, there should be a comma between stood and but
52. “Some of the desks as well have begun to rust and decay.” Would be better to say “Some of the desks have begun to rust and decay as well.” instead
53. “With no real options left you decide to head up stairs”, there should be a comma between options and left, and there shouldn’t be a space between up and stairs.
54. “As you ascend the staircase though”, there should be a comma between staircase and though
55. As mentioned before, “You can’t explain it but, it feels safe”, there should be a comma between the first it and the but
Alright, that’s all, time to rewind.
Going back all the way to the front doors …
Choice: Run up the stairs
56. “Feeling like you had no other options you dart toward the staircase”, there should be a comma between options and you
57. “You don’t know, but still you run”, I think there should be a comma between still and you
58. “And as you reach the top floor you hear something”, there should be a comma between floor and you
59. “Summoning your remaining strength you sprint”, there should be a comma between strength and you
60. “The music where was it?” there should be a comma between music and where
61. “That’s it the music is from here?” there should be a comma between it and the
62. “Instead your hand moves through it.” Already mentioned this, but there should be a comma between instead and your
Ok, rewinding all the way back to the start, now … right after exiting the classroom.
Choice: Call out into the silence
Choice: Hide in a Classroom (no seriously I don’t get the capitalization rules)
63. “Carefully, you force yourself under the teachers desk”, “teachers” should be “teacher’s”. Funny, this isn’t the same sentence as before, it has a comma as it should.
64. “Your heart beat grows faster”, repeating again, just to be safe, there shouldn’t be a space between heart and beat
65. “At last you exit from under the desk”, there should be a comma between last and you
Repeated stuff again
66. “You can make out small footprints where your pursuer once stood but”, there should be a comma between stood and but
67. “Some of the desks as well have begun to rust and decay.” Would be better to say “Some of the desks have begun to rust and decay as well.” instead
Ok new stuff
Choice: Sneak to the Front Doors
Choice: Try to force the Door open
68. “Overcome by fear you struggle with the door”, there should be a comma between fear and you (repeat)
69. “and as you do her scythe pierces your chest”, I think there should be a comma between do and her
70. “Why am I strruggling to breathe?” “strruggling” should be “struggling”
Death, rewind.
Choice: Find a place to hide
71. “Feeling like you had no other options you dart toward the staircase”, there should be a comma between options and you (repeat)
72. “As you race past the series of identical rooms you make a choice”, there should be a comma between rooms and you
73. “Once inside you force your body to contort”, there should be a comma between inside and you
74. “From this position you can see slightly”, there should be a comma between position and you
75. “But worst case scenario you might be able”, there should be a comma between but and worst, and a comma between scenario and you. Also, worst case should be worst-case.
76. “But against your wishes, the door”, there should be a comma between but and against
77. “She heads to the teachers desk”, “teachers” should be “teacher’s”
78. “Your heart which was pounding all this time now stops”, there should be a comma between heart and which, and a comma between time and now
79. “The sensation nearly causes you to vomit But you can’t.” There should be a period between vomit and but.
Death, rewind.
Choice: Run up the stairs
All the same issues I mentioned earlier for the run up the stairs path after trying to smash the front door window. Seems identical, as far as I can tell, but idk if you have it coded as different lines.
Rewind back to after calling out and hiding in the classroom.
Choice: Head to the Upper Floors
80. “You decide to head up stairs”, there shouldn’t be a space between up and stairs.
81. “As you ascend the staircase though”, there should be a comma between staircase and though
Some more repeat errors now.
82. “Confused you look around but there is”, there should be a comma between confused and you, and a comma between around and but
83. “Not you but, another room.” there should be a comma between you and but, instead of the comma between but and another
84. “Instead your hand moves through it.” there should be a comma between instead and your
Alright, rewind all the way back to after calling out.
Choice: Run for the Front Doors
No errors until the subchoices.
As far as I can tell, the subchoices (Try to force the Door open, Find a place to hide, Run up the stairs) and errors within those paths are all identical to the subchoices in the Sneak to the Front Doors path.
Aaand, done, I think. Hooooh.
Chapter 2: The Witch and the Wolf that Howls my Name
85. Pressing the alt button seems to bring up some weird empty menu? See the image below.
Ok, anyways, the actual menu!
Soul: Liar. How very on the nose, lol.
Ooh, Datalog. That’s new. Bestiary and CG gallery, let’s go!! And a tutorials section, cool, nice QoL.
86. If I go into tutorials, into tip #4, and exit- oooooh the game explodes. “Failed to load img/pictures/Actor1_2.png”, uh, oops?
Push and Pull tutorial.
87. “To Push a movable oject" “To Pull a movable oject" “oject” should be “object”
Right, that's all I got for now.