I'll never know what Serious Weakness changed inside of me. But it did. Some things changed irreversibly and I'll never know, because it also made it feel like I've always been this way. Have I always been this way?
It made me worse. It's also my favorite book. The more you read, the more the trap closes on you, the ropes bite into your skin and you're hanging from the ceiling. It affords you no dignity, no room to breathe, and less of all the comfort of removing yourself from the experience that it inflicts upon you, that it makes you inflict upon yourself page after page. Some of my ugliest laughs, most horrified joys, most conflicted thoughts; it's delicious in a way that feels deeply wrong.
I think it made me have the most violent, self-degrading thoughts i've ever had in ways that maybe helped me accept myself more. Weird shit.
You were already my favorite author, but I don't know how to qualify what you are after this. Thank you.
PS. I can't believe I hadn't posted here, I finished reading months ago but it's still living under my skin. I think it laid eggs. I started writing a TTRPG because of it and it's one of the sickest, slimiest things I've created.