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yours is awesome do you like mine (please give feedback)


                       Blackclaw

               calling of the gods 

                                  Book one 

                      Prologue 

       As more cats came thundering out of the trees more yowls of pain sounded out in the clearing. “Ashclaw! we need to submit to them they are too powerful” a black tabby heaved himself on to graystipe “do you yield, your leopard clan just a bunch of softies i could demolish your clan blinded we will claim sunning rocks as ours then we will–” “whitepaw get out of here! Graystripe you think you can last forever, but tonight under the moon you will die!” ashclaw closed jaws over graystripes throat until the only sound was the gurgling of his blood

Chapter one

                       One hot morning shadow was leaping out to the pond to lap up some cool water when she noticed a pair of green eyes staring at her.She called out softly but it sounded like it was chanting something . Then she heard it saying ‘‘save the clan! save the clan!’’ Then she saw a leopard print grey cat fighting a grey spotted tabby. She instinctively leaped to stop the fight but she moved in slow motion. The black cat took a swipe at the tabby and then the chanting stopped instead it was replaced with the forest wind. It was night so shadow crept out to drink some water but it was hard with the forest right there staring at her.She crept over and leaped onto the fence post and stared back at the forest.Then she saw something moving, another cat.It was moving fast then it stopped pounced and landed on shadow and threw shadow into the forest. It ran into her, and as it did so he knocked the air out of her. Then there was a cry and the other cat leaped off of her. She took her chance to escape and sprang up a tree.It wasn't the best idea but she can see almost everything.She was watching as another two cats came running.There were the cats from her dream.are you ok greypaw? the spotted one said running over.watch out! They are watching you leopardstar! ‘Who?Graypaw let’s get you back to camp leafpool can make sure you're ok’ “leopardstar and graypaw what names are those’’shadow muttered to herself. She waited for them to walk away then scrambled down the tree. She leaped for shelter in a bush as the other cats turned wearily. They must know I'm here thought shadow. Light streamed through the forest and the calling of shadows owners rang through the night. The other cats pelted through the forest and shadow pelted after them. The other cats yelled in alert as they realized shadow was following them. They made a sharp turn to the left and ran down a wavy hill. There was a bush wall they disappeared into so shadow raced in too. She halted in awe as she saw groups of cats, some talking, one coming out of a hole, one carrying a bird. Intruder!! One of them yowled in terror and another ducked under a bush,one other was herding an older cat into a small den. Another cat burst through the brambles followed by two others. The first cat had white fur and a scar on his eye still bleeding. The cat beside him had black fur and a stubbed tail. The other cat was leaning on the black cat's shoulder wincing in pain. The white cat turned around and spread his eyes so wide that shadow could see the whites of his eyes. INTRUDER!!!! He yelled unsheathing his claws he sprang on to shadow nipping at her ears she clawed at his belly sending him yowling in pain. He fled to the corner and Shadow could finally take a good look at the place. Only five or six cats were here then just then seven more cats burst through the bramble screen, one's eyes full of fear “it’s greystripe he's dead!”the one behind him was dangling a limp body from his jaws we'll deal with it later for now  who are you the spotted one one said thrusting herself through the commotion 

This is really good, but I do have a few bits of feedback.

1. Check your capital letters are in the right place, and you need to make sure your puntulization is accurate as well. For example, one of the sentances that stood out to me most for needing more capitalization is this one:

It’s Greystripe he's dead!” The one behind him was dangling a limp body from his jaws. "We'll deal with it later for now!"
"W
ho are you?" The spotted one one said, thrusting herself through the commotion.

The letters and puntuation in bold and italics are the ones I have added in/fixed. Please double check your writing!

2. I know I didn't use them, but I reckon that this piece of writing would be much more fluent if you added paragaphs.

3. You have written a character's name two different ways;
Graystripe
Greystripe

I reckon you should choose one spelling of it, as neither are incorrect, but it would be easu\ier to follow if they were the same.

That's all of my feedback. This is a really cool piece of writing, but it can be improved. Continue working on it, and maybe you could make it into a book!

Keep Writing!
-Pik4corn