who are we missing? It's been so long since I read the books :Sob:
Pik4corn
50
Posts
3
Followers
1
Following
A member registered Jan 16, 2025
Recent community posts
I found a bug where, if sleeping in the nursery, if paused, not at night, if you push the red button, all the other selectable morphs (I think?) show up as sleeping kits, and if I push the unpause button, I can't do anything. I can exit the den, but my keyboard doesn't work. That may be something on my end, idk. Thought I'd put this up tho.
This is really good, but I do have a few bits of feedback.
1. Check your capital letters are in the right place, and you need to make sure your puntulization is accurate as well. For example, one of the sentances that stood out to me most for needing more capitalization is this one:
“It’s Greystripe he's dead!” The one behind him was dangling a limp body from his jaws. "We'll deal with it later for now!"
"Who are you?" The spotted one one said, thrusting herself through the commotion.
The letters and puntuation in bold and italics are the ones I have added in/fixed. Please double check your writing!
2. I know I didn't use them, but I reckon that this piece of writing would be much more fluent if you added paragaphs.
3. You have written a character's name two different ways;
Graystripe
Greystripe
I reckon you should choose one spelling of it, as neither are incorrect, but it would be easu\ier to follow if they were the same.
That's all of my feedback. This is a really cool piece of writing, but it can be improved. Continue working on it, and maybe you could make it into a book!
Keep Writing!
-Pik4corn
I mean how when you go to Starclan (Or I assume any other afterlife clan) You can get killed again.For example, Spottedleaf. She was killed again in the battle against the dark forest. So, theoretically, The Tribe of endless Hunting's name isn't actually correct, because if another cat kills you again, you kinda dissapear into nothingness.
Also, do we even know that the name of the group(s) that live theres ancestors CALLED starclan? I mean, it could be called something else, just how The Tribe of Falling Water calls their ancestors The Tribe of Endless Hunting ( *SPOILER ALERT* Which we now know is kinda incorrect thanks to The Last Hope. RIP Spottedleaf) So, yeah.