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I wrote a Warriors lake-side story. It's unfinished, so this is just the prologue. I'm also new to this community, but I'm a huge Warriors fan! I would love any feedback about my story!

The ground shook as a large group of cats raced past, sending a mouse scuttling into its hole. Starlight shone from above, making the gold and amber leaf-covered ground light enough to see easily. A group of cats all sizes and colours burst out of a bush. At the head of the group was a tall calico she-cat. The group of cats raced through the forest, narrowly avoiding trees, rocks and bushes. The group of cats slowed to a stop once they were about a tail length from a big, glistening lake with a little island in the middle, with a tree that had fallen over, making a bridge to the island. The she-cat angled her ears towards the island. She could hear the chattering of many cats. Mixed cat scents wafted towards her as she parted her mouth. The she turned to the fallen tree and started sprinting across the tree. It was slippery, but the she-cat managed to race across it with the large group of cats right behind her. The she-cat leapt off the bridge, barely touching the ground with her paws, then springing over the bushes that surrounded the island. She landed on the ground with a thump, making dust fly up around her. There were more cats on the island. They turned to look at her as her warriors started appearing from the bushes. “Show-off.” Purred a muscular Tom as he strode towards her. By now the rest of the cats had gone back to talking to each other. “Hardly the best I can do in Owlflight.” She replied as she strutted towards an old, moss-covered tree, sitting in the middle of the clearing. The leaves were swirling down, caught on a frosty leaf-fall breeze. Four cats were sitting on it. “You’re late Wrenstar,” grumbled a grey tom with yellow eyes. “As always.” He finished. “You’re late too sometimes, Stonestar,” Wrenstar replied, staring at him with her crystal blue eyes. Stonestar muttered something under his breath that Wrenstar couldn’t catch. Wrenstar nodded greetings to the three other cats on the tree, Birchstar, leader of Windclan, a slender tortie tom, Fallingstar, leader of Riverclan, a sleek grey she-cat, and Eaglestar, leader of Thunderclan, a muscular Brown and white tom, as she leapt onto a branch, slightly lower than the rest. The full moon shone down on the clearing, their warrior ancestors watching them. “Shall we begin?” Stonestar impatiently asked. “Very well,” Birchstar replied. Wrenstar let out a loud caterwaul, gathering the cat's attention. Wrenstar stood up, digging her claws into the branch she had been sitting on to balance herself. “Cats of the clans,” She began, “I am sad to inform you that Mistystar is dead, and as her deputy, I have taken her place as clan leader. My deputy is Owlflight. I have been to the Moonpool and received my nine lives and name from Starclan.” There were a few gasps of shock and murmurs as cats talked to each other in the clearing below. Wrenstar couldn’t quite make out the voices below. “Her clan grieves for her.” She finished solemnly. Her eyes welled up with tears as she thought about her leader, clanmate, and best friend. Wrenstar’s hair stood on end as out of the corner of her eye, she saw Stone Star smirking softly. Did he think she was weak for caring? Stupid Mouse-brain, She thought to herself Stonestar would never intend to harm Skyclan, or any clan! Would he?... She left her thoughts there, as Stonestar stood up, announcing “Shadowclan is stronger than ever. Prey is plentiful in the marsh, and no cat in Shadowclan will go hungry.” His eyes darted to Wrenstar. Was he… challenging her?


- I also need to add paragraphs

(4 edits)

I also have a plan for Skyclan.


Leader: Wrenstar - Calico she-cat with blue eyes

Personality: Wise, Observant, Responsible, Feisty.

Deputy: Owlflight - Tabby tom with amber eyes. Long chest scar.

Personality: Kind, Loyal, Brave, Battle-worn and Intelligent.

Med Cat: Moonsight -  Brown + white + freckles. She-cat with blue eyes.

Personality: Wise, Loyal, Caring. Connected strongly with starclan.

Med App: None

Warriors

Leopardspirit - She-cat - Bengal - Green eyes.

-Kind

-Smart

-Honest

Brokenclaw - Tom - Black pelt White paws - Amber eyes. 

-Evil

-Envious

-Hateful

Cloudwhisper - She-cat - White - Blue eyes

-Kind

-Cheerful

-Jolly

Mistfeather - She-cat - White - Grey - Green eyes - Moonsight’s sister

-Proud

-Boastful

Blackice - Tom - Tabby- Amber eyes

-Brave

-Honest

-Annoying

Silentwing - Tom - White with grey swirls - Green eyes

-Brave

-Proud

-Hard working

Fernstorm - She-cat - White + Brown - Blue eyes - Mistfeather’s sister

-Jealous

-Cunning

-Secretive

Nightcall - She-cat - Black with white spots on paws + face - Blue eyes

-Honest

-Smart

-Loyal

Queens

Sunflower - Orange + white - Blue eyes - Mate: Silentwing

Kits: Maplekit, Foxkit and Ghostkit - 4 moons

Jayleaf - Grey - Orange eyes - Mate: Blackice

Kits: Expecting - 0 moons

Fallentree - Brown with multi coloured spots that look like the sun coming through a tree canopy - Green eyes - Mate: Lostwhisper

Kits: Deerkit and Treekit - 5.5 moons

Apprentices

Pinepaw - She-cat - Brown - Green eyes

-Snobby

-Oldest

-Mean

Ferretpaw - Tom - Slim - Tabby- Blue eyes

-Mean

-Pinepaw’s sister

-Bullies Blizzardpaw with Pinepaw

-Bullied into being mean ~But shh, that's a secret~

Blizzardpaw - She-cat - White + Blueish-Grey markings - Light blue eyes

-Bullied

-Brave

-Smart   

-Main character

Flintpaw - Tom - Gray + Black - Blue eyes

-Likes Blizzardpaw

-Kind

-Smart

-Stands up for Blizzardpaw

Elders

Lostwhisper-  Tom - Smoky Grey - Blind

-Hardworking

-Doubtful

-Resilient

-Had to retire early due to being blinded by a defending his mate from a fox

Callingsong - She-cat - Tabby - Half blind - Blue eyes

-Snappy

-Demanding

-Funny

Cinderspeckle - She-cat - White with grey speckles - Broken leg

-Tells stories the most

-Wise

-Gentle

noice u gonna make a game wid a storyline or  a book series?

This is just a piece of fan-fic writing, but I'm hoping to write my own book series.

Kool hope it does well!

Thank you!

Hey, actully I'm an author myself! I don't have any books published yet but if you want some advise I can give you some!

Also you're really good at writing paragrahs! Even better than I can write!

Thank you! I would love some advice for my story, I will consider any advice you give me.

Something that I like to do is when I write online I have both a dictionary and a research tab pulled up. You don't want to use a spastic word too much but also try finding words that fit in the right sentences. Like an example is "suddenly" it's a good word to use but it's not always the right idea to use it too much, yet some of the other words that mean the same need to feel like the fit in the sentence, like a puzzle. For the research is just a use when you want to add real or canon (canon means that it becomes a part of the topic you made about or from inspiration) facts, like how maybe you would want to add real warrior cat function in there. An example would be how Med cats arn't aloud to have mates nor kits. Now of corse its your story so the research tab isn't needed most of the time as you can make your own functions! 

Ok, thank you for this amazing information. I will keep this in mind while writing my fan-fic, or maybe even my own stories one day!

No problem! I'm always happy to help! If you have any questions or need some advice go ahead and ask me!

Will do!

Even though you wrote it two months ago, I still wanna say it’s super good! must’ve took you a lot of time and effort!

Thank you for that! I did, and I'm working on making it better and longer. I'll see if I cna post a updated version soon!

yours is awesome do you like mine (please give feedback)


                       Blackclaw

               calling of the gods 

                                  Book one 

                      Prologue 

       As more cats came thundering out of the trees more yowls of pain sounded out in the clearing. “Ashclaw! we need to submit to them they are too powerful” a black tabby heaved himself on to graystipe “do you yield, your leopard clan just a bunch of softies i could demolish your clan blinded we will claim sunning rocks as ours then we will–” “whitepaw get out of here! Graystripe you think you can last forever, but tonight under the moon you will die!” ashclaw closed jaws over graystripes throat until the only sound was the gurgling of his blood

Chapter one

                       One hot morning shadow was leaping out to the pond to lap up some cool water when she noticed a pair of green eyes staring at her.She called out softly but it sounded like it was chanting something . Then she heard it saying ‘‘save the clan! save the clan!’’ Then she saw a leopard print grey cat fighting a grey spotted tabby. She instinctively leaped to stop the fight but she moved in slow motion. The black cat took a swipe at the tabby and then the chanting stopped instead it was replaced with the forest wind. It was night so shadow crept out to drink some water but it was hard with the forest right there staring at her.She crept over and leaped onto the fence post and stared back at the forest.Then she saw something moving, another cat.It was moving fast then it stopped pounced and landed on shadow and threw shadow into the forest. It ran into her, and as it did so he knocked the air out of her. Then there was a cry and the other cat leaped off of her. She took her chance to escape and sprang up a tree.It wasn't the best idea but she can see almost everything.She was watching as another two cats came running.There were the cats from her dream.are you ok greypaw? the spotted one said running over.watch out! They are watching you leopardstar! ‘Who?Graypaw let’s get you back to camp leafpool can make sure you're ok’ “leopardstar and graypaw what names are those’’shadow muttered to herself. She waited for them to walk away then scrambled down the tree. She leaped for shelter in a bush as the other cats turned wearily. They must know I'm here thought shadow. Light streamed through the forest and the calling of shadows owners rang through the night. The other cats pelted through the forest and shadow pelted after them. The other cats yelled in alert as they realized shadow was following them. They made a sharp turn to the left and ran down a wavy hill. There was a bush wall they disappeared into so shadow raced in too. She halted in awe as she saw groups of cats, some talking, one coming out of a hole, one carrying a bird. Intruder!! One of them yowled in terror and another ducked under a bush,one other was herding an older cat into a small den. Another cat burst through the brambles followed by two others. The first cat had white fur and a scar on his eye still bleeding. The cat beside him had black fur and a stubbed tail. The other cat was leaning on the black cat's shoulder wincing in pain. The white cat turned around and spread his eyes so wide that shadow could see the whites of his eyes. INTRUDER!!!! He yelled unsheathing his claws he sprang on to shadow nipping at her ears she clawed at his belly sending him yowling in pain. He fled to the corner and Shadow could finally take a good look at the place. Only five or six cats were here then just then seven more cats burst through the bramble screen, one's eyes full of fear “it’s greystripe he's dead!”the one behind him was dangling a limp body from his jaws we'll deal with it later for now  who are you the spotted one one said thrusting herself through the commotion 

This is really good, but I do have a few bits of feedback.

1. Check your capital letters are in the right place, and you need to make sure your puntulization is accurate as well. For example, one of the sentances that stood out to me most for needing more capitalization is this one:

It’s Greystripe he's dead!” The one behind him was dangling a limp body from his jaws. "We'll deal with it later for now!"
"W
ho are you?" The spotted one one said, thrusting herself through the commotion.

The letters and puntuation in bold and italics are the ones I have added in/fixed. Please double check your writing!

2. I know I didn't use them, but I reckon that this piece of writing would be much more fluent if you added paragaphs.

3. You have written a character's name two different ways;
Graystripe
Greystripe

I reckon you should choose one spelling of it, as neither are incorrect, but it would be easu\ier to follow if they were the same.

That's all of my feedback. This is a really cool piece of writing, but it can be improved. Continue working on it, and maybe you could make it into a book!

Keep Writing!
-Pik4corn