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First off, a warning: this is a lot of text. It’s all praise, I couldn’t find a single qualm with Shit Sucks, so please don’t feel worried that this is a critique or something. But, because what you created had a lot of written content, I had a lot of reactions to it. I tried to limit what I shared, but as I read I had lots of connections to what you wrote, so I included many of them here. You can ignore all of this or whatever :D I also wrote this as I went, so I’m sorry if the flow of it is wrong or repetitive.

Right off the bat, my brain was like: “I need to steal the idea of giving an option that avoids reading most of what I wrote because I, too, am very verbose!” 😅 And speaking of verbose, writing 15 pages in 72 hours that you actually edit and polish is a LOT, let alone the content.

I also love how many “do this awesome thing, and this is why it’s so awesome, but if you can’t, you can do this.” I aim for that in my work too, and you do it so fluidly. There’s a grasp on the mood you’re setting in every section that works really well. There’s also a grasp on the emotions and feelings people should feel, and the intention behind things: drinking in a moment, seeking out creativity, feeling like part of the world, finding peace and comfort…

Also, in all transparency, I know you were worried at one point about this not being considered a game. I actually messaged you to say that, after the die roll at the beginning and the scene-setting, it qualified 100% to me. I messaged that to you on Discord and then found, on page 6, that you specifically say that “dice throws are, I am told, an almost ubiquitous convention of the genre” and yeah, you got me 😅 If anyone else reads this and has read/does read Ether’s work here, please know that they 100% got me here with absolute prescience 🤣🤣🤣 

As a stoic, one of their biggest things is “we can’t control what happens in life, but we can control how we react.” It’s almost exactly what you wrote about here, and (essentially?) say it’s BS. I’ve always worried when I shared that, because there are a zillion circumstances that I can think of where, even if such guidance would help people, it’s ridiculous to expect people to be able to do it. If my tooth hurts so much that I wanna die and my head is like “just imagine the pain as a reminder you’re alive,” my response would be VERY negative and certainly not helpful… So, later, when you write that you CAN “realize you’re thinking something that isn’t serving you…” and guide people to work on that, I feel like that captures it perfectly. It’s something I’ve struggled to capture for a long time now, myself. And I do it sometimes! Like these days, I no longer think about how I SHOULD accomplish [x] to feel valid for existing. Now I literally compare my accomplishments to “did I accomplish enough to make it worth not playing video games all day instead?” And if my answer is “yes” (a ridiculously easy bar) then I won that day! 

Anyway, I feel like I could write a whole essay celebrating what you wrote here and the things I agree with. I haven’t seen anything I disagree with, many of which are said in ways that hit home as well for me as any “productivity” expert would, and I put that word in quotations because the ones I pay attention to have learned to focus on self-care, self-growth, making life fun, and celebrating what you accomplish vs “grind grind grind.”

This is fantastic, and I love it. I plan to utilize this when I’m spiraling into depression, when those first signs hit and I’m trying to resist giving into it or becoming fully submerged. In fact, this has made me want to create a game where you’re a lighthouse keeper, feeling obligated to help others while wanting desperately to go and explore. But you feel unsafe outside of the lighthouse, so you often retreat back to it and blame your obligations for it. A lot of that comes directly from your creation here (how safe spaces are made to be retreated to without shame, loving yourself, the “taking stock” questions, etc).

I do think that you’d benefit from a form, even if it’s primarily useful after reading it all, that’s like a “worksheet” of all of the activities and questions and such so you can easily access them when needed. As you said, you didn’t have the time to do that yet (again, writing 15 pages in 72 hours is a LOT already, let alone coming up with the ideas, polishing the writing so much, etc.), but I really hope you continue to perfect this. And continue creating work like this. It’s so powerful, and when you feel any impostor syndrome or whatever, please know that it’s of great benefit to me and certainly others, too!

PS: you mentioned struggling with rest. I did too. Most of overcoming that came from a LONG time of Angel telling me I deserve to rest, reinforcing that when things get bad, I can just take the day to play video games or something. It eventually worked. But another, much smaller, part of it is a stoic quote. I can’t remember it of course lol, or even find it, but the premise is: if you overwork yourself, you’re harming yourself, and that’s actually VERY BAD because you’re robbing the world of a future where you HAVEN’T harmed yourself with overwork, with burnout, etc. So not only is burning out bad for you, it’s bad for the world. Since I’m very “I owe the world”-centric, things like that help me a lot. Maybe that’ll help you too, maybe it means nothing lol (especially since it seems your struggles with relaxation are very different from mine), but it helped me.

- ✨Beth

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Thank youuuu Beth for the long, long comment. Actually, I really enjoy your lot of text, your taking the time and energy to tell me about all this. It feels really good and rewarding as the author of the work, so please never worry about that, okay? Even if it was a critique, I trust you to not being mean. 

You've said so many kind things, thank you. I am so amused that I "got you" as you said, because I was really like "this is not a game, this isn't not game-y enough" the whole time to my partner. I clung to the format of d6-friendly roll tables for my life, even it was clearly holding me back... But I'm glad I did, because I feel like in the end the result looks cohesive and game-y enough, you can barely tell the places where I stopped and paced around the room while flailing wildly. 

And yeah, for me a lot of the work is based the idea that there's no "should". There's no "you should/should not feel this or that way" that can lead to lessening your suffering, because you need to be OK with where you are first, as in, you need to have that compassion and acceptance for yourself first. And that means being OK with "not being OK with not being OK" and such. So many layers of shame and self-judgement to gently peel and wash away. It's a lot of work. If my little piece can help anyone towards that, I would be very happy. 

It made me very happy to read that you planned on coming back to this when you were not feeling better yourself. I really hope it will help you then. Please do feel free to reach out to me directly as well.

I love that it inspired you to make your own spin on this! I highly encourage you to do so. Please show it to me when you're done, okay? I would be super excited to have a look at it. 

I love the idea of the worksheet too! It's what I meant to do with the Quick Fixes at the beginning, I wrote them almost last, like, "if someone is having A Really Acute Bad Time when they read this, they're not going to care about all my ramblings on safety, powerlessness, and why I hate CBT". And in the end they're not Quick at all, but hopefully they're Fixes anyway (not that I agree with the idea that anything needs "fixing" but sometimes you've been writing for three days and "quick fix" is the only phrase that comes to mind). So as I work on a fancy-formatted version that can even be printed into a zine (omg it's going to be so long as a zine, but I digress) I am definitely going to keep that in mind and try to create that alongside it. I will send it to you when I'm done! You can tell me what you think then, if you'd like.

It's true that our issues are very different, because I hate the idea that I owe anything to anyone, I find it more upsetting than anything else, and I struggle with being crushed under the expectations, like... even just thinking about "living ethically" or "in alignment with my values", what am I doing? I am not doing enough, I am not doing enough to help all those causes, the children starving as we speak, the burning forests, the oppressed people everywhere! So, as you can imagine, telling myself I am harming the world... will not help :p No, I have the opposite thing, where I find selfishness and possessiveness very empowering and self-affirming. This is my life, and I deserve to live it my way, that sort of things. The fact that my way implies "everyone's needs are being met" is sort of secondary :p

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I know there are people who would be like "this is not a game," and honestly they wouldn't think MOST of what I make and call games are games either. We're reclaiming what makes a game a game, dang it!

I totally get that about "have to"/"should"... Obligation is the #1 source of my issues. To the point where, if I'm obligated to be a way, everyone should be. So everyone else who fails these standards (that aren't even really mine) is ALSO a failure, and I'm valid in my disappointment. It's easier to be like "they don't deserve that, so this is invalid" than "I don't deserve that, so this is invalid."

And I also get it about "fixes." Like... it took a long time to be convinced my depression isn't something to fix, it's something to warn me that I'm not living right. And so I have to "fix" that, even if the other ways are also valid. Someone once said that labels are more powerful than (I can't remember the word, so I'll use "cliches" here) because a label is self-applied: I'm trans, I'm bipolar, I'm old lol. A cliche (or whatever the word they used, which was better) is applied to others: they're bipolar so they can't handle emotions, they're trans so be careful with pronouns, they're old so they can't handle things. Labels allow us to take power, to express deep things quickly, to associate with others; cliches put us into boxes against our will.

The point there is that I think fix is the same: when a doctor says "you should lose weight," it's far less powerful than me sitting here like "I would really love to have more energy, and I think eating better and exercise might help with that." Being told that I can fix my depression by just not being sad is stupid and insulting; realizing I can avoid depression by enjoying life more and taking breaks is empowering. As long as we come up with the fix, as long as we control how and when we use it, it's great :D 

And goodness, yeah, you absolutely covered all of my struggles in that last paragraph there. And it's weird, because your mindset is actually the fix to a lot of mine! Focusing more on myself, taking what I need (not from others lol, just like taking breaks, etc), living in a way that feels genuine to me ("I'm shaving my face because the facial hair irritates me, not because it's not feminine to have a beard")... it all overcomes my internalized struggles. So even if our issues stem from opposing places, we do converge :D

I will definitely let you know if I make something based on this, and would LOVE to know if/when you do more with it! 

- ✨Beth