Hi there. This is Dragos, your Cohort Mentor. I've written out some feedback for you, split into the categories that the sprint was being judged on. Feel free to reach out if you think i've misunderstood anything, or want to chat further through some of these points.
Playability
- While the game is not currently playable, the outline of it has been well illustrated in the submitted document. I believe that sticking to this structure, especially in building a VN can successfully lead to a final playable version. Commendable and very appreciated is the accessibility consideration for the font and colour choices.`
Promising Idea
- The idea of conversation of a species and environmental change is well illustrated. The game has a mystical atmosphere to it, while keeping everything grounded, and realistic. The boon concept plays well into the story design here, and avoids the common problem of "The miracle solution" to environmental concerns. All around, the writing sample, while quite verbose at times, does paint a promising picture of the entire game and creates a fitting tone and setting
Use of themes
- The mythological/mystical angle of the story, tied with the small scale narrative of Olepi and Willow individually, is a good pairing, and embodies the chosen themes (in bold as part of some of the chapters). I appreciate the thought put into linking each of these themes, and their relevance to the chosen environment. Using stock photos in the illustrations however I personally feel takes away from the carefully craffted nature of it all. If you are fortunate enough to be able to take your own pictures, or otherwise draw them in any congruent style, they would enhance the theming a lot better than stock image which feel impersonal. An interesting visual style used by another in our cohort was a cute collage in What World - highly recommend.
Call to Action
- While all the theming is well thought out, at the moment the game does not include a particularly strong call to action. This is mainly due to the characters having a more mystical nature, and then the onus on the ability to influence falling almost entirely to scientists, and even then, only on a small scale. While this is relevant in the wider conversation of powerlessness in the face of grand environmental change, I think it would be recommended to include some messaging or plotline/choice where the player gets a sense that even common, individual and personal implication into wider community has positive impacts. This is most glaring in the ending, where regardless of player actions (unless i've misunderstood) the rain returns, which releases a lot of the tension, as well as consequences, of player actions.
Reasonable Scope / Well Planned Production
- Game is very well thought out already and the design document outlining the structure is comprehensive. If the main task for the production period is writing the finalised text to replace placeholder, I believe this will be very achievable within context