There was some decent writing and good ideas here, though a couple of things gave me pause. It's a bit confusing that character tags were used for narration related to that character, when typically they're only used for dialogue. I also couldn't help but wonder why the highways were empty enough for Alex to speed through. Logically, they should be jammed up with everyone else doing the same thing, but the world feels eerily empty instead. Other than that, it's a simple and heartfelt story about a couple's death when the world ended. It's also neat to get a look into the afterlife when that happened. But, unfortunately, the afterlife bit felt anticlimactic because there was no conflict whatsoever. The characters moved on easily into happily ever after. They remained exactly the same as they were before, and we also don't really get to see anything about their lives or pasts. This is a pretty bare-bones skeleton of a plot, to be honest. I think if you expanded it with more emotional moments, some conflict to make us root for them, and a bit more that shows who the characters are as people, this would be a great VN. As is, there's just not much to talk about.
Viewing post in All I need is you jam comments
Hello! Thank you for reading and giving a review!
I'm sorry, I might be a bit slow trying to understand what you said, but what do you mean that the character tags were used for narration related to the character?
Yeah, logically the highways would definitely be jammed with almost little to no room to drive through. That was an oversight on my part honestly, I wrote it and then didn't give it a second thought.
That's fair honestly, I should have thought about putting a conflict point in the story in that section, but again, I didn't think about it.
I agree completely that this is a very bare-bones story, although I am happy to see some people think it has potential! After the judging period is over I will try to add some more to the story to make it a bit better. Thank you for your suggestions and review, and I hope you have a good day/night!