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First thing I wanna say is never feel bad for sharing your thoughts. As a creator, I go crazy for these in-depth analyses. It gives me that outside opinion I can't have because I'm too stuck in my own creations and you know how it is, maintaining a clear vision gets hard.

Overall everything you've said it's true. This is a spin-off so the missing context is meant to be in the main game, the whole story is Patrice trying to get over his first love and failing, that's it.

I will say, I learned about mouth guards near the end of writing the script so I shoved a random line in, without thinking too much. I'll have to go back in and fix it. Makes no sense.

Liam and Patrice are childhood friends so this is their usual banter. Also you're correct about that being weird, which is why Patrice mentions in passing that Liam ended up ghosting him after the break up. Patrice doesn't want to see him that way either. You don't have that friend who just... throws sexual jokes around/flirts but doesn't actually mean it?

I do understand your overall desire between wanting to learn more about Nia and less about Liam, this is just how it came out with the pre-existing knowledge of the main game already in place. I see now that it takes away a portion of the entertaining from the story.

I think love is a very subjective experience so... I want to believe, through Patrice's POV, that he did harbor genuine love and feelings for him but it was messy and they let their lack of experience carry them away. The only reason the end is abrupt was the word limit. I had in mind to add an additional scene at the end and readjust the overall speed.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I appreciated your feedback a lot.

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Yeah, totally get it - it's hard to zoom out once you've been zoomed in for so long. For what it's worth, I think this probably did connect well as a tie-in for folks that are in-the-know, so to speak, but maybe this would have been better targeted specifically for them rather than as a jam entry that ostensibly required no prior knowledge.

To follow up on a few of your points:

Boxing: There were actually quite a few parts of that scene that didn't really work for someone with experience around the sport. I didn't mind too much since that's clearly not the point of the story, but there were details you didn't include that could've been helpful for multiple reasons. For example, you don't mention putting on wraps before putting the gloves on, and having this in there could do a few things: 1) emphasize that Patrice hasn't boxed in a while (after a hiatus I always fuck up my wraps like four times getting back into it); 2) exacerbate the problem by having him be nervous about Oliver; and 3) give them a cute moment where Oliver helps him with the wraps.

Liam: Got it, did not come through for me that they were childhood friends. I got the impression that they became friends when Patrice started dating Nia, which is why that friendship dropping off when the relationship did didn't seem too outlandish to me. And yeah, I get the offhand sex joke thing, but Patrice comes off as way more aggressive and persistent in that than anyone I know personally.

Love: I see your point, but I also think caution is important too. Like, if you've only known someone for a day, you don't know them well enough to know if you love them or not. If you feel like you do, you're more in love with a version of that person that you've constructed in your head than the actual person. That ideal and the actual person might turn out to be the same thing, and if so, great, but jumping to that point is creating unrealistic expectations and potentially setting the relationship up for failure. That's my perspective, but like I said, I can also see the optimism over pragmatism angle too, especially in fiction.

Appreciate the in-depth response though! Love to see the engagement from devs on here.