Mmkay, so I guess I'll start by saying I have zero familiarity with the story this is spun-off from, and this may have impacted how characters and interactions resonated with me as opposed to others whose readings may have been colored by other context they have (or maybe it didn't! Maybe these characters are minor side characters in the main story and it's all irrelevant, I literally do not know).
With that said, I think there's a lot to like here in dialogue and emotion (mostly - I'll get to that) but this project may be suffering from trying to do too much at once.
Spoilers from here on out.
Implementation of Theme:
I can see it. Patrice is experiencing continuing darkness through being stuck in the doldrums about his breakup and in comes this shiny new wolf to bring a spark of brightness to that darkness, and it almost kinda works out for a bit. The last part makes it a bit muddy, but it still works well enough.
Story:
Okay there's kind of a lot to unpack here so I have prepared a numbered list to organize my thoughts.
1) Nia: I think there needs to be a lot more context with what exactly happened here. The intro scene makes it seem like she doesn't really want it to end either, so what's the reason they broke up? This is important for understanding Patrice's character - is there something specific where he thinks he has an inadequacy or shortcoming that he can't move past? Not knowing the answer to the question could be plausible too (that's actually by far the worst feeling from personal experience) but it seems like there was some kind of concrete event that caused the breakup so that doesn't really come across either. It would also be helpful to hear what exactly he liked about her - what made that relationship so special and why does he feel like he couldn't attain that with someone else? This is kind of the whole premise for the story so it's a bit weird that angle is so sparse.
2) Patrice: There's a lot to like about the characterization going into Patrice in sections of the VN. Lots of moments that feel very real and grounded, like the intrusive thoughts of your ex in the first half and how to respond to those and hanging out comfortably at a party with your friend until your crush shows up, your friend gives you the ol' "good luck, soldier" and dips, and your anxiety has now reached critical mass. You really crushed that last one, totally nailed it. There's a degree of dissonance between the way he carries himself in other conversations and the struggles he's going through though, with the hyper-flirtatious, overtly sexual lines clashing with the idea of someone who's been wallowing over a breakup for two years. I know that the intrusive thoughts as mentioned above can come at any time, but there are points in the story where it feels like Patrice will take a few seconds to think about Nia more because the script remembered that he was supposed to rather than it being triggered more naturally.
3) Liam: For a story with two main points (getting over Nia and getting with Oliver) we are spending a lot of time with Liam. I'm not really sure what their relationship is supposed to be, especially since Patrice is making flirty and sexual comments to him too and that feels kinda weird to do to your ex's brother...? I don't know, maybe that's just me, but I certainly don't think it would help with Patrice's primary goal of getting over Nia. I question whether some of the time spent with Liam could have been more focused on Nia, or maybe even Liam and Nia as a package deal, to get some of that additional context across. You'd probably still have enough Liam space to keep a lot of the witty banter in (which was good!)
4) The end: It was... a bit abrupt, and just a teensy bit melodramatic. I think a lot of the buildup to that point with Oliver was great. A lot of their dialogue felt natural and I was buying that it was a really solid first date. I definitely understand the hurt, especially from Oliver's perspective - Patrice really should have clarified the no-commitment thing before taking a huge step like taking Oliver's virginity. But some of the lines that got thrown out afterwards were a little much. "...that the person you fell in love with..." "I truly loved him" like... you guys met 12 hours ago, this was not true love yet -_-
5) Oliver's mom: Kinda breezed right by that one. Don't know if that's setting up something for the main story but that felt kind of out of nowhere, especially with how fast they moved past it.
6) Boxing: Not necessarily as important as the above, but I feel like the boxing scene forgot that the characters were boxing sometimes. Not in the sense of throwing punches, but more like, I was cracking up at the idea of these two having a whole-ass conversation with mouthguards in (especially since Patrice didn't bring one and was almost certainly using one that wasn't even molded).
7) If my ex cut off all contact with me and then started sending pity payments out of nowhere like it was child support or alimony or something I would be so incandescently pissed off I would implode.
Anyway.
Presentation:
A much shorter section to write, mostly because I thought it was pretty great. Music got a bit repetitive at times, but the sprites were great and I really liked the CGs as well. Was not expecting to see titties in the first five minutes of a gay VN but I wholeheartedly commend the effort.
One tiny little nitpick - some of the backgrounds didn't really feel like they matched what was being written, like Patrice mentioning how his family had never seen that much money before while standing in a gloriously immaculate kitchen or telling Oliver they'll have to share a bed when the background clearly shows two beds.
Creativity:
It's a spin-off from your existing work with characters you've (again, presumably, I don't know) already spent a lot of time thinking about. Totally within the rules, but I don't think it's doing anything particularly innovative to give it much beyond that. Firmly middle-of-the-road on this category for me.
I know I had a lot to say (I always have too much to say, I promise it's nothing personal) but I did genuinely enjoy a lot of what was here and maybe if I'm not terminally burned out from VNs after this jam I'll see what's going on with the main project.