Truly a fantastic submission! I have only a few nitpicks but otherwise I basically loved everything.
the nitpicks:
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This is such an excellent module it deserves a full “Map” (I put map in quotes because I think it should be like one of those Disney Maps where its less a representation of the space and more artistically illustrated images of each location in rough proximity to each other.)
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there are a few places on the map as is that aren’t described, if they are there more for vibes I would replace them with Icons on the map (like the Lifts and the Mezzanine could both be icons super easily)
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I think you need a little more of a hook to keep the players here. as you have it now they are waiting essentially next to the Exit until things go down. I would change this to something like Daws needs them to finish up paperwork in the office as the tanks fill, then as the PCs are “Done” with the job and leaving the office things start breaking bad they see it in the relaxation cove and have a full view of the pandemonium in Paradise Island. This still lets Daws barricade herself in the room, puts the PCs in the middle of the action and forces them to engage even if their plan is just to head directly back to their ship and fly off… it also gives Hinch time to arrive.
Again sorry for only including things I think need fixing, its only because I liked everything so much that I’d just be writing a massive essay that all amounts to “this is great, I love this, I love the love triangle, I love the guest, I love the vibes… I WILL be running it for my PCs, and I WILL be supporting you once you do a post Jam version!”
Thanks for making something so cool to be a part of this Jam!