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(+1)

Amazing idea, suffering from a lack of polish on several fronts. 

I love the idea of something wholesome gone wrong, and I'm pretty sure I've never seen radishes as the main antagonist in a story. Daikon Sphere is a great name. Full marks for Theme.

The typography is a bit messy, particularly on the interior spread, and there are grammatical issues with the text. The most distracting of those is switching back and forth between referring to the players in the second person, and the third person. Taken together, it makes the module a bit hard to follow.

I feel like there's an ordering issue for the panels on page one. The centre panel, which is the back of the pamphlet, has the info I would expect to find on the inner flap (left panel), and vice versa.

The locations are individually good, but I don't love that the players are forced to encounter them in a fixed sequence. As a player, after leaving each location, I'd expect to have some choice in where to go next.

Anyway, I think there's a super cool story here that deserves more design love. It's hard to fit a whole planet into a trifold, so maybe this is one where you'd want to treat the jam version as a prototype and go back to do a whole zine-format treatment of the same idea.

(+1)

Thanks for the feedback. I wanted to give it a pass over and polish/rebuild it, so both technical issues and vibe checks are super helpful.

Locations are fixed because there are no indicators of what they'll find, so if it's random I though it could have an arc. Going from things that aren't a rush when they feel like they have time, things that are suspiciusly helpful and might be an investment of time when it's going bad, and the moral quandry when they're all out of time... but maybe it's more fun to have visual indicators?

(+1)

IMO it's important to find a balance between controlling the order in which players discover stuff and giving them some choices that at least feel meaningful. You might perhaps give the sites descriptions like "A river delta," or "Rocky foothills" perhaps with some hints about what's there or why those sites were chosen ("suspiciously linear rock formations" or "a small but fresh-looking crater"). If you put the third one closest to the extraction point, they'll probably go there last and maybe it doesn't matter what order they do the first in. And then the bunker could become visible when they climb the foothills, giving them an optional side trek.

There's also the sneaky option of making certain important things discoverable at any location or guaranteed to be at the first one they go to. You don't want to overdo that as eventually the players will figure out that their choices are an illusion, but it works well if used sparingly for plot-essential things.

I felt I was extremely low on setting descriptions, adding the descriptions into other places like location names is a good one, I'm gonna use that. I consideredmaking it more of a point crawl than a depth crawl, and the end result is probably a weird middle point; I'll try to take all the input to fix it once voting is over so thanks for taking the time.