Um I was kinda mixed on it, but I didn't want to lampoon you with criticism, as it wouldn’t be fair to do so. And I do wish you luck with your further endeavors.
But like I said, just don’t show the moment but summarize it. As it’s confusing to a first time reader as I don’t know if you're mentioning something that happened in another visual novel or something that happened in the lore of floraverse. I’m not a floraverse fan, so when I’m not told about the event I’m assuming it either some preexisting lore or part of some other floraverse property.
But be and my gf did yap some bit about the story, and we approached it from differing angles as she was more knowledgeable, so idk.