And I’m completely blown away by your comment!! x3 A million thank yous for the time you took to play through the game + type up such a thoughtful comment too <3
I only wish that my reply could be one more deserving of everything you’ve written, but it probably isn’t going to be because:
A: It’s taken me this long to even respond >.< (apologies for that! I’ve been going through a rough patch recently and not been online much as a result)
And B: My brain is still a bit frazzled from burnout and the flu, so I feel like I’m operating on a level that can’t communicate my thoughts properly or entirely cohesively T_T
The 1000-word limit is always pretty daunting when it comes to O2A2 x3 My biggest fear is always that it will be too difficult to create anything particularly engaging with such a severe restriction, especially since I tend to ramble and struggle to be concise, haha.
At the same time, I feel like it helps me to realise just how unnecessary some words are in a script xD Sometimes it kills me to have to cut stuff, but other times I go through it and think, well, that didn’t really need to be there anyways x3
It’s funny because I always imagine that the word count is limiting before starting, but the more you play around with things, the more it sorta forces you to think more creatively about stuff, and I feel like that’s one of the big joys of a jam like that :D Heck, O2A2 might actually be my favourite VN Jam out there!
I’m just glad that you enjoyed the game because I always worry when repeating things the way I did in this that it might end up becoming tedious >.<
But yeah, I’ve definitely gotta sing Vivian’s praises cos the game just wouldn’t be the same without that epic performance as Styx :D That’s some next-level vocal talent right there! I wish I could portray all that with my voice x3
You’re right that in this instance, there’s no dedicated ferryman xD Poor Styx is kinda doing that job as well as actually being the embodiment of the river itself, haha. I guess that’s partly due to the jam rule of only being allowed 1 character, but also I just really wanted to lean into a watery theme as much as possible somehow :3
I guess I should probably put a lil spoiler warning here on the random chance someone else ends up reading this, haha. So yeeeeah...
!!!SPOILERS BELOW!!!
I would say that Styx definitely feels a sense of endearment and protectiveness towards those who are suicidal. They’re almost drawn to folks like that out of a mixture of curiosity since they’re not the typical customer Styx has to handle, but Styx also has the desire to play the role of saviour for someone as opposed to the usual villainous part that most people see Styx as playing.
It’s tough to say if the affection Styx shows to those who are suicidal is out of genuine care/concern for those people, or if it stems more from Styx’s own loneliness and is more a selfish/manipulative sorta thing x3 Perhaps a bit of both! Regardless, Styx is almost certainly relieved to greet those who are suicidal since they’re more likely to view Styx in a favourable light, unlike most of the souls Styx encounters who are horrified x3
But yeah, at the same time, Styx can also be as changeable as a river in the sense that it may be calm one day and full of fury the next >.< Throw in some slightly unpredictable currents, and you’ve got yourself some tricky water to navigate, haha.
Part of me wanted to make Styx more compassionate and understanding, but at the same time, I was too tempted to make them yandere-esque in nature and explore how the burden of loneliness that their position creates might impact how they interact with the MC.
I would say that you’re right in that, in this instance, Styx is indeed the one who has power over the transition between near-death and full-on death while also being the journey itself. I guess a bit like being judge, jury, and executioner x3
If I’m being completely honest, I didn’t hash out all the details comprehensively cos I knew that if I tried to, I would wind up missing the jam deadline, haha. I have a bad habit of getting stuck on small details and then things end up in development hell because I can’t move past them to complete the full picture T_T I also have a bad habit of many thoughts getting muddled up in my head and then struggling to express them all + I often forget that anyone who happens to play my stuff can't see inside my mind to know all the extra bits and bobs I have stuck in my head that never made it into the game x3
I really like your interpretation of it being the journey to death, and that the more MC visits Styx, the closer to death they are :3 I guess that’s along the lines of what I was thinking when I tried to write it all up, even if it wasn’t explicitly expressed.
In my head, I kept it somewhat vague and hadn’t really decided 100% on whether MC had essentially trapped themselves in that position and had at least some free will in the sense that they could have actually left the first time Styx let them go if they had it in them to overcome their own demons, or if Styx was slightly manipulating the situation in the sense that MC could never truly have left unless Styx physically let them go, so would have essentially been toying with MC.
I feel like I maybe prefer the idea that Styx is genuinely trying to help MC, but is hampered somewhat by their own bitterness and loneliness to the point that maybe their ‘help’ is a little more mischievous and kinda compromised x3 It just feels more fitting to have such a powerful entity be so flawed and react with raw emotion as a result than to just cast them as straight-up malevolent.
I don’t know if it really comes across, but I was kind of hoping to make Styx seem sorta torn between their duty to send souls onward, thus cursed to always be alone, and their desire for a form of lasting companionship to avoid the crushing loneliness of it all x3
So I tried to make it as though Styx is godlike but twisted by how grim of a job it is, sometimes delighting in it (possibly due to an affinity for the work, but also with a hint of madness that’s developed over an agonisingly long existence x3), other times wishing they could give life rather than take it (for those deemed worthy, at least!)
And at some point, Styx decided to take it upon themselves to become a shepherd for suicidal souls even if that wasn’t part of their original duties. I guess anyone higher up in the order of things figures, well, Styx ferries most folks to where they’re meant to be, what’s the harm in allowing them to keep a flock of suicidal strays >.<
With the lil poem on the game page and extra bit of text that I put there which kind of sets you up for where the game’s scenario begins, I also left that purposely vague cos I hadn’t fully decided whether MC was someone who had actually attempted suicide so their soul was physically thrust into Styx, or if they were merely having suicidal thoughts and so heard ‘The Shuddering’ calling to them like a siren. If it’s the second option, then the whole thing is more of a metaphorical journey I guess.
I did want it to remain open to interpretation because I find it fun to try and divine different meanings from things like when you listen to a song that really resonates with you in some way, and you know the folks who wrote the lyrics were probably drawing from their own experiences, but they put it all in such an ambiguous way that a whole bunch of people can feel as though it’s expressing something they themselves have been through x3
It’s no secret that my own mental health has been pretty poor for most of my life, and I do struggle with suicidal thoughts, so I guess that’s where a lot of that game page text at the top came from!
It was almost meant to be some of my own thoughts about how those suicidal thoughts and ideations can swallow you up and trap you in a cycle of dwelling on only that. Kind of like a terrible song that you can’t get out of your head, but at the same time, you just can’t stop humming it, haha.
I often find myself envisioning the part of me that’s suicidal as being a separate fragment of me that’s tainted and trying to kill me >.< Just because it feels so detached from some of my other thoughts and feelings. So when I wrote that ‘silence is your ally if it’s salvation that you seek’ I guess I was thinking about how it’s better to not engage with those thoughts because the more you give in to them, the more you feed them. If you truly want to live, you almost need to tear yourself away from those dark thoughts and ignore them so as to deprive them of power. Ending 05 which is attained by always picking the '...'/stay silent option was kind of a nod to that, haha.
But all of that is just one interpretation of those particular words, and even if that’s what I was thinking when I wrote them, I wouldn’t necessarily want others to think of them in that way x3 I’d rather it was taken as more of an old folk tale sorta thing. Like a warning of how to escape if you find yourself face-to-face with Styx.
I’m sorry I’ve already rambled so much x3 I will now at least attempt to answer your questions regarding some of the endings, haha.
In regards to the difference between endings 2 and 3, because the fork that leads to both of those endings comes about by refusing to really open up to Styx, I would say that you’re right that the main difference is due to how willing MC is to stay with Styx.
Since MC has been acting cagey with Styx while refusing to essentially confess to Styx that they’re in that suicidal state, whether it be that they actually have attempted suicide or are heavily dwelling on it, the implication is that MC has reached a point of no return and eternal death or companionship with Styx is inevitable no matter how much MC tries to push Styx away.
In Ending 2 where MC attempts to ‘swim’ away from Styx, succeeding in all of the timed choices was kind of meant to represent MC’s denial of their suicidality. MC is desperate to leave, something Styx doesn’t appreciate >.< For Styx, it’s frustrating that someone would come willingly only to deny that they did so, almost like teasing Styx. It’s awkward because Styx does like to toy and be toyed with, but only to a certain extent before it becomes tedious. So while Styx still chooses to make MC part of the flock, it’s in a more forceful, almost punishing way. Styx thinks MC belongs there with them even if MC refuses to admit it x3
Whereas with ending 3, whether it’s out of a genuine choice from the player to do nothing or accidentally failing to complete all the timed choices, Styx still has patience remaining for MC because they haven’t actively displayed their denial by attempting to escape. From Styx’s point of view, MC either stared blankly at Styx, or thrashed about a bit but made no genuine attempt to escape, and so Styx almost feels sorry for toying with MC due to MC’s apparent state of bewilderment.
It’s MC attempting to swim away so desperately that triggers Styx’s frustration in ending 2 because MC is acting like the majority who also try to escape Styx. That's a very sore subject for poor Styx, so Styx reacts badly.
So yeah, that’s why in ending 3, Styx is more compassionate as opposed to being so forceful, even if both versions show Styx in a somewhat crazed state x3
And as for why ending 6 differs from ending 2, it’s pretty much exactly because of what you said there :3 It’s the fact that MC actually chooses to stay. They didn’t attempt to escape, but they also didn’t just float there like a bystander or act coldly towards Styx.
To get the ‘I want to stay’ choice to appear, as far as I can remember, I made it so MC is meant to have asked for the ‘cure’ twice. That was kind of supposed to represent that MC (mistakenly) believes Styx has the cure for being suicidal. They view Styx as a means to an end rather than an end in itself that’s willing to embrace MC with open arms.
By picking the ‘I want to stay’ option, MC is not only taking ownership of their actions/feelings in the sense that they admit to their suicidality but is also showing that they understand Styx as an entity could be their cure, as opposed to Styx simply possessing a cure that can be obtained. MC’s willingness to accept and stay with Styx, to view Styx as their cure/saviour is something Styx has never experienced before with anyone.
That genuine want of MC’s to stay with Styx means more than Styx can truly express because all others who came before, even those who were suicidal, put up some form of struggle or showed no interest at all in engaging Styx. In this ending, MC is the first entity to ever express a desire to truly become Styx’s companion. That’s enough to win Styx’s eternal loyalty and adoration :3
I’m so sorry all that got so long anyhow x3 I don’t know if anything I wrote makes much sense, but I gave it a shot, haha. I’m just really glad that you enjoyed playing through it ^-^ And it makes me even happier to hear that you found the OST calming!
I know music is always gonna be subjective, but I really hoped to capture Styx as a character in that track while also incorporating a sense of how dwelling on suicidal thoughts can make me feel much of the time.
As I’ve told therapists in the past when they’re checking in on me, I don’t generally find those thoughts intrusive, I find them almost comforting just because it’s a relief to know that there is a way out if things get too much! That in itself is somewhat eerie to know I feel both calm and comforted by that while also feeling isolated by those very thoughts>.< So yeah, I just really wanted to try and put those feelings of fluidity, longing, drowning, but softly, and cradled, into the music if possible x3
I feel like that sounds so grim, and I can only apologise for that! >.< On a brighter note, thank you so much again for taking the time to play and write up such a sweet comment afterwards :3 I appreciate it more than I have the words to express <3 I hope that life is at least treating you well and that you have a happy rest of the year ^-^