Thank you for sharing your story! You mentioned that you don't explore these topics very often anymore, so I appreciate you taking the time to write down your thoughts.
I've felt the same burden from the other side - it's hard to call myself a Christian when the word has become so tainted by misuse. Jesus told us to "count the cost" before following Him. I cannot love God and money - Jesus says so. And yet, we pretend that there is a difference between "acceptable" sins like greed and "unacceptable" sins like fornication. Really, every single Christian should wrestle with the same questions you are facing, and should consider if a relationship with God is worth giving up the world. It isn't fair that you have to ask these questions while a religious person can keep their sin and pretend to be OK.
I don't think that this parable is actually about Christians versus the world - I think that it's about people who chose Jesus above everything else and people who only pretended to do so. Jesus loves you, but He also respects you. You took His command to count the cost seriously, and you made a honest decision about your faith with open eyes. Many people never do that. I hope that you keep asking difficult questions and looking for answers, but I also hope that you find happiness in your decision.