Thank you for the extremely in-depth feedback! Everybody seems to be in agreement the presentation really helped sell the short story which makes me happy. You are right about the headers. Maybe red text for game overs would help since I originally wanted to have red blood for black and white illustrations before ditching the idea. Regarding the anachronism, I did not try to make it 1:1 with the era (thus the magnum simply being called an 18XX) and chocolate cake was invented only a few years after the scene took place in our world, so I figured it was close enough. You're absolutely right about things like the peanut butter jar though. To my surprise, it wasn't invented until about a century after this VN takes place! I'll definitely replace that line if I update this. Thank you again.