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(+2)

So...how do I gain access to the libary dungeon?

Like I am constantly doing library favor but nothing

(+1)

Pretty sure you need your assertiveness/dominance or compliance/submission up to at least 3 and to either be someone's Master or Sub. After that keep doing the library favor. Eventually the librarian will talk about starting up meetings on Saturday nights. It took me a long time to get too.

and how do I become someone's dom/sub?

Find someone with the submissive or dominant or switch inclination. Go on lots of dates with them and build up their dominance/submissiveness meter (Let your dom order food for you, fondle you, speak up for you, etc. Or be the one to speak up for/fondle your sub) After lots of dates and if your own stat is at least 3 (3 submissiveness/compliance if you want a Dom, 3 dominance/assertiveness if you want a Sub) approach them to talk in the evening. You can propose a relationship or they might propose one first. It can take a long, long time tho. Like a month or more of in game time.

Clarificiation, inclanation is shown in their profile, right? Next to their personality and stuff?

Yes

Yes, but you won't know right off the bat what a stranger's sexual inclinations are (unless you have cheats turned on), you have to get to know them. If you're looking specifically for a dominant or submissive person and don't wanna cheat or date around a bunch you can use the Findr app on your phone to find people with those inclinations right away.

i dont see a dominance meter (trying to get a sub)

Try being more dominant on dates (speak up/fondle them in the movie theater, pay for dates, be the one moving them around and controlling the action during sex, find them in the evening and flirt dominantly if your skill is high enough, etc) and eventually a submission meter will appear under their romance stat.

i have been at every oppurtinity but it doesnt seem to be working. maybe i need to do more?

It definitely could take a while! It took me a couple months ingame time to get a Master, for example. I think it goes faster if they have a naturally submissive personality (shy/insecure/passive people are more likely to be your sub then forward/aggressive/confident people) and of course they need the Submissive or Switch inclination.

so clarification, if they don't have the submissive personality...forgot about it? Or be prepare for a longer sub grind?

I haven't actually tried to make anyone my sub who didn't already have the Submissive inclination, so I can't really answer that unfortunately. If you want someone as a sub and they're not Submissive you could always enable cheats and GIVE THEM the submissive inclination though.