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I like the sporadic writing style that comes up in this game. It's like the "rata-tata" of a machine gun, and suits the game perfectly. Was this intentional?
Anyway, I really liked this piece. Some missing punctuation here and there, but it didn't really bog down the experience. Though the "I hate this level" thing was sudden and a bit annoying. I thought I'd done something wrong (not waiting at the beginning) and went back, but I guess that was revealing that the entire thing was just a game in a game? Oh well, I still really like this. :)
(btw, I'm also in this Twiny Jam! My game is HCF.)