This has some real mood and atmosphere that carries it, I'd say. The backgrounds are lush and full of a really dark, eerie ambience. The vampire is quite cute; I kind of adore the art style. I think my two points of critique are that a) I'm not sure what's accomplished by having the story be told in second person as opposed to an established character with more going on internally and b) I feel like I wanted more of an understanding of the vampire's psychology or background b/c, without that, it's cute but somewhat inexplicable and thin how much of an interest she takes in the narrator. I don't think those are damning flaws and it may be that what I consider to be issues are just the nature of the story you wanted to tell; all in all, you have some real creative chops and that should be the main takeaway.