The art is nice but it's the only good thing about this VN.

Here's a short list of issues found in Chapter 1 alone:

Bad English, bad grammar, misused words, redundant redundancy, emotional narrator using flowery prose to describe a completely mundane situation, lack of understanding of how basic things in the real world work(like dashboard indicators, day cycles, headlights, eyes, guns)...

And, of course, all the Leo glazing, MC can't throw a look at him without getting horny. It was painful to read.

If I tried to explain things just a little more in-depth - I would have to stop and take apart almost every single sentence. It's that bad.

I highly recommend the developer to find a content editor and a couple of proofreaders. Maybe actually hire them, they aren't expensive. Because it's one of those cases when you are clearly out of your depth in the kiddie pool of simply writing in English, so you desperately need help. Please seek it.