Right off the bat, the first thing I notice is that all of the sprites and backgrounds were drawn by the creator, and they look gorgeous. But to me, the story doesn't develop a full-fledged plot until the second half of the VN. Until then, it's mainly a boring slice-of-life, much of which could have been edited out without affecting the story. And there are too many extraneous characters who appear in only one scene whose only real function in the story seems to be to flirt awkwardly with you. Also, the transitions between scenes was far too abrupt. It started to get annoying that the VN would suddenly jump to a different scene without any warning. You could do a slow fade out/fade in between scenes, or add a short phrase like "we went to [such-and-such place]". Furthermore, I found the bad ending, where your friends abandon you and leave you to get fired, evicted, and murdered by a crime lord, just because you were somewhat rude to them, to be verging on the ridiculous.

All in all though, this VN wasn't terrible, just rather disappointing considering how nice it looks. I do see that you have future projects in the works, and I think there's potential for improvement into making something really good.