A solid first FVN that is both well-written and finished! The music is great and really helped create a mystical yet adventurous atmosphere. Furthermore, there is an adherence to subtlety here that is rare in online writing. I appreciate that, especially since FVNs tend to beat the reader over the head with the emotions they are trying to convey.
I believe the main flaw was that the story tries to fit a novella's worth of worldbuilding into a short story's length. It makes a lot of the other elements feel cramped. This is most noticeable in the final act where things just sort of resolve themselves.
itch.io is an open marketplace for independent game creators. It's completely free to upload your content. Read more about what we're trying to accomplish and the features we provide.