Liked the first build. I'll give it 5 stars for effort.

The writing could definitely be improved. And by writing I mean the pacing and story telling. I'm not a writer myself but I read quite a few vns and I have a feeling some opportunities were missed. For example, the idea of having superpowers is extremely lucrative, but I feel it wasn't exactly portrayed as good as it possibly could.

Here's how I would do the first build in short. I would prolong the start and only hint at superpowers once or twice. Show reasons for the mc to want to attain them (like his mother being killed by a villain when he was young), then as that fight happens and templar dies. You could have had the villain go towards the main character evilly smirking and wanting to kill him. The villain could slowly torture the mc as suddenly templar's soul talks with him to give him his powers. The mc could then explode with anger and deal a grave hit to the villain and fall asleep on the ground tired. As the villain wants to finish off the mc, the tiger comes, the villain retreats. Bonus points if that villain was the one who killed his mother. Build ends.

This gives players multiple things: the thrill of getting powers and ACTUALLY using them, a goal to kill the villain, wonder of what will happen to mc's life.

I think the key is the pacing also. Make the reader not know what will happen. Throw red herrings, distract the reader! If the reader thinks "oh he will totally get superpowers after that guy dies", i think it's a bit of a miss.  The more time i as a reader spend guessing what will happen and still want to read, the more succesful a story is to me. But at the same time you can't just make a story random just to make it unguessable, story has to be interesting after all.

I'll wait for next updates and hope you can become better as a writer. 

Oh and if you wanted an example of really good pacing and a mega cliffhanger update that everyone loved, read Remember the flowers.

Hope you don't take my review wrongly!