Not a lot happened with either Clash: Blue Mirage (although I did start Chapter 4's writing) or Rings of Neptune (very close to finishing the writing for the first Early Access release).  That was the bad news.  Now here's worse news.

I've had a very difficult time with my mental health this past week.   This is due to some IRL things going on.  

(And if you don't care about IRL drama and just want to see me as anonymous words on a screen, skip this paragraph)

I don't know if I've mentioned it on here, but I am dating someone.  We talked online for a month, then started meeting up for a month.  I've never dated before, and its destroying all my preconceived notions.  I'm still trying to figure out if I want to be friends with this guy, he's already jumped into the romantic part.  The guy himself is respectable and kind, but he has dropped a couple of bombshells (not going into detail here, just be known that they were very big and shattered the trust I was just starting to build) that make me completely rethink just how fast he wants this relationship to go and whether or not I actually want to go with him or try elsewhere.  Or even if I should try again, maybe I'm not as ready for dating as I thought.  This is a big event, which is also causing me to relive every other big event I've gone through: especially my dad's death, because this guy reminds me of him (which is admittedly why I stayed with him for this long.  But I think I picked someone who reminds me too much of my dad, because when he kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him on the cheek and it didn't feel like kissing a boyfriend or potential husband; it just felt like I kissed my dad) and my sister's messily-failed marriages.  And while I am getting a lot of good advice from the majority of family and friends and mentors, a minority are also like, "you should be happy, why aren't you happy?  What's wrong with you?  This is what we prayed for all these years, you're throwing it away?"  I even had someone say I should just ignore these doubts and start a life with him, because I'm getting too old to go slow.  That...doesn't help any.  I already let this go faster than I'm comfortable with because people tell me "yeah that's normal," even though I'd only consider it normal if I'd known the guy and been good friends with him several months prior, but what do I know since I'm a khv?  I'm trying to figure out my past, my present, and my future all at once.  I'm not doing so well with it, either. Its been a very long time since anxiety and depression have been this high.  Constantly sobbing, constantly anxious, even had a panic attack in the middle of the night unlike any i've had in years - sobbing, hyperventilating, vomiting, and not a single rational thought in my head.  So I'm going through a big life-changing event with someone I don't even know if I want to be going through it with, I'm redoing all the other life-changing events, not everyone is helping, this post is the first time I've been able to really put into words how I'm feeling (and even then, I am struggling), and I'm so mentally perturbed that it's manifesting as physical illness.  Next time I see him, I will be having a serious talk with him about what I was expecting, what I am needing, and whether we should continue or find others; another new life event.

(Okay, you can start reading again.)

Sorry for not keeping up with my dev duties.  I promise, this round isn't writer's block or laziness.  It's physical/mental issues that I really need to recollect.  Once my brain and my health are back under control, I will do my best to keep up with it better.

Also happy birthday to me, I guess.