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Some stuff you might want to edit

A topic by Grace Grayson created Dec 21, 2019 Views: 225 Replies: 4
Viewing posts 1 to 2
(6 edits) (+2)

So ummm... I've been on itch.io for like almost two years and I've never really commented or anything but I feel like it's high time that I do. (It took a lot of debating with self because I'd rather not put myself out here but the creator is so passionate and well...) So ummm... I'm enjoying the game so far. The art, characters, music, the dialogue and script are all amazing. I really look forward to the finished game. That being said, ummm there's some stuff you might want to fix.  On Week 6, Day Thursday, Lunchtime, everyone is present and gathered for luchtime (tho no one seems to eat anything at lunch aside from Syd, lol).

I take a moment to explain to Jayda that Steph lent me a book. 

Jayda: Mind if I borrow it after Sydie, Stephanie? 

Syd: Of course, you're more than welcome to. 

I think Steph was supposed to be the one to say this. Also, Jayda moves forward, completely blocking out Stephanie in this scene. IDK if that's a foreshadowing or something and if it was meant to be on purpose, but if its aim was to make me lie back and and make me have DokiDoki Literature flashbacks, then spot on. 

Stuart then also says, "That or to finish up or touch-up or projects". I think that should've been 'our' projects. 

Those minor details aside, and since I'm already making this post, I'll mention some other even more minor stuff that are more personal than technical. 

I feel like the background art (that's drawn) are better than the background taken from photos. (Ex. the art for the background and character when Syd lent Jayda his jacket).  The photographic background are still cool though, and serve as really good sceneries. It's just that on some instances, where it's supposed to be late, the lighting is bright enough to still be considered mid-day. An exception was when we got to Maisy's house at evening, the sky was purple and orange so that was a nice detail. Um, the characters pop out because of the bold coloring and I really like it (it's like straight out of a comic book). An example would be the luchtime scenes. The characters wonderfully blend in the background, without making us overlook them. Sometimes though, especially on scenes with Maisy, it feels a little forced, like the colors are too saturated so it  clashes with the background. Also, the art with Jayda was wonderful but I think the part where Syd plays video games with her and then we're shown a sprite, umm... she's uhhh... p r e t t y umm.. thicc? Sorry, I don't  mean to be a weirdo. Anyways, I just think the body structure is a bit disproportionate. I'll uhh... I'll see myself out. 

PS. I hope the constructive criticism on the first part of my long message helps you out. Please don't fret and take what I said on the latter half with a grain of salt.

PPS. I love this, especially how the choices affect other characters and how they affect future events. The more it branches out, the more complex and intriguing it is (like The Letter) and I don't really get to play many games that have such diversity and effect on the playthorugh (that aren't abandoned like Queen's Crown). It really shows how much work and time you've put into this and if I had the means, I would send some cash to back you up but... *cries in broke*. I hope you get to continue to do things you're passionate about (without burning out). Thank you so much for this. 


Update: When Stuart and Syd talk about Jayda's self-confidence, Syd says, "That's... that's so cruel to herself." This sounds off, like grammatically incorrect. I think "That's... she's so harsh on herself." would sound better (just a suggestion).

II. On the same day, same evening, Syd debates with himself. "... maybe I can't make this decision alone. I can't condemn the other students who tried so hard to failure, all just to help Jayda's ego." I think this will flow better if it was tweaked to "... maybe I can't make this decision alone. I can't condemn the other students to fail when they've tried so hard, all just to help Jayda's ego".

The Neville Longbottom joke was amazeballs.

There's some minor thing around this part and I was going to mention it but I was so caught up in the story that I told myself 'maybe later'. It's now 'later' and I lost it, can't find it. I also thought, 'I shouldn't' because I've already written a long message but here I am, on my 4th edit. *facepalm*

III. Ummm... When we go to the hospital to visit Albie, the term for food from (fastfood) restaurants put in boxes is 'takeout' not 'takeaway'. Also, after that when Syd texts Albie, Albie says "... d'you know anything about it?". The font used was different from the font that shows when Syd is texting and recieving texts.

IV. On week 7, Monday morning, Syd says "Dont tell you guys have retired in your prime already...!". I think it should be "Don't tell me you guys have retired in your prime already!"

V. I've been thinking about it for a while now. The d in Syd's name tag looks a little farther away. It looked like there's a space added to it. I'm not sure tho... Nevermind, Jayda's was the same too. It's probs just how the font is.

Game is still phenomenal. I love the mini tutorials.

Developer (1 edit)

Hello Grace Grayson! Thanks so much for reaching out and posting! I'm honoured that my game was the reason you chose to make your first post! :)

Alright, I will address your points one-by-one! :)

That first one is definitely a jumbled-up scene! I played it back, and I don't know how I got missed Jayda jumping in front of Steph! Fully unintentional! There's no doki doki in this game ahaha. I must have entirely missed this while editing, seeing as there's a decent amount of errors here. Thanks so much for bringing them to my attention!

I have received a lot of mixed feedback regarding backgrounds, but nonetheless, thank you for tellingme your thoughts. I think some of the "real-life" backgrounds work really well for certain scenes, the lunch background especially, but I totally get that some of them just don't quite... "fit." Not yet, at least. I also do regret not taking more night-time photos. I totally get how that can be annoying to be told "it's the evening," yet it looks like the middle of the day hahah.

I should also say that ALL of the backgrounds are photos too. There are no drawn backgrounds :)

Jayda does... admittedly... have thick thighs and long legs. They are an actual intended feature of hers. Don't worry, you're not a weirdo. You're neither the first or last person to notice Jayda's legs hahaha. But, I will consult my artist about whether proportions need to be adjusted. As much as possible, I've tried to have my game represent all kinds of people and body types in a realistic way that allows them to be beautiful and attractive - but not too sexualized. Except for Maisy, who chooses to express herself much more sexually than most people. But that's just her character hahaha.

Don't worry about your message! I find it very constructive, and I actually love to hear people's thoughts and feedback. It helps me improve the game! :)
Also, I especially like being told when bugs occur. If it's something that helps me make the game better, I love hearing from people. And if it helps me fix something that both myself and my editor and everyone else who plays missed - then all the better!
I'm really glad you like the choices! I appreciate that not everyone can help financially, but even this kind of support (reporting bugs and giving feedback) and help means the world to me!  I can see how much you like the game just based on how detailed and caring the feedback you've given is. Someone who doesn't like this game wouldn't bother to do all this, so don't worry. I am very appreciative!

Thanks so much for supporting LoveSick Darlings and trying this game out! I hope I can keep making it, and avoid all kinds of burnout, while delivering this game to you all!

Update 1:
Will adjust!

Update 2:
Will look into it! Also, don't worry about finding it - these are all great bits of reporting!

Update 3:
"Takeaway" is the Australian word for local fast food!
Oops! Didn't mean to use texting font...

Update 4:
Fixed.

Update 5:
Yeah, that is in fact the font, yeah hahah.

I'm so glad you've enjoyed the game/demo so far! I love to hear from people who play, so thanks so much for taking the time to give me all this info and feedback!

Also, wow, you like the tutorials?! That's the first compliment they've ever received! (I haven't gotten complaints either to be fair... but still!) Thanks for the kinds words!

(2 edits) (+1)

No DokiDoki themes then, but still having doki-doki feels because the creator replied. Oop-

Looking back, you're right, all the backgrounds are photos- it completely slipped my mind since I was fixated on admiring the sprite art of Jayda wearing the jacket and how nice the houses behind her looked. I forgot that the scenic backgrounds are different from sprite backgrounds. My bad.

Also, I'm sorry about that 'takeaway' stuff. I wasn't aware it was a thing and I brushed it off as a typo. My bad again (at least I learned something straight from the creator). I've just never heard of the far-off magical made-up land called Australia before.

 

All that stuff aside (since I've already started this thread, I better make the most of it),  I do feel like I have to reiterate how amazing this game is. 

It's great to see different body types (and skin color- I feel represented, although it wouldn't really be an issue if Jayda wasn't brown, considering the setting of the game). I don't think most of us have a problem with Jayda being thicc, but rather, it's the disproportioned legs to torso to face ratio thingy. However, we do see the allure in the artist's drawing and it's still good nonetheless.

*Minor Spoilers Ahead in case you're a reader checking out comments on the game*


Maisy... I don't like her. She has good points tho- her feistiness being the reason we got served Mexican food, her compassion towards her bro, and that time she tolerated 0 bull in the game store (also, the way she bounces back from a heavy atmosphere). She is an amazing character (and I myself partake in making inappropriate and lewd jokes) but I just can't help myself from rolling my eyes the way she flirts and latches on to Syd. She's smarter than she lets on and is fully aware of how Nacho ain't nacho husband/good boyfriend material but she doesn't wanna taco 'bout it *grumbles*. Since she and Syd are supposedly BFFs, I get their dynamic. It's fun but I just couldn't see myself tolerating someone who forces herself on me like that IRL, especially considering her selfish actions towards the other characters. BUT.

But that's what so surreal about it. I was super annoyed with her but somehow, I got through my designated scenes with her. AND it wasn't a drag. I probably rolled my eyes too much and muttered to myself but I enjoyed the game nonetheless. I'd rather not spend time with Maisy, but the fact that I can h a t e a character but still be able to acknowledge and even appreciate their presence in the game? It's quite new. A welcomed feeling. I can't quite... grasp how to say it exactly, as I said, this is quite new. Yes, I have seen a ton of flashbacks here and there that defends and sometimes even justifies a hated antagonist's actions, thus making them beloved characters. Usually, a tragic backstory is thrown into the mix (looking at you, anime and teleserye). But you didn't do this with Maisy. Yeah, her bro is in the hospital and that could be traumatic for some, but Maisy is consistently herself. Not to say she never felt sad, but just that who she was and is now is consistent with her character (development). I accepted her being an integral part of the game long before I met her lil' bro. She's shown a different side of herself, but not in a super unrealistic or uncharacteristic kind of fashion.  It was so subtle and obvious at the same time- so... human. Basically, it's like avoiding a vegan that acts better-than-thou but still allowing them to sit with me at lunch if they have nowhere else to go. Strangely specific but technically accurate analogies are my specialty. *cackles*.

Anyways, that's how I know a game is a keeper. When a character I really dislike is a pillar- not just a filler character or a plot driver- and I willingly accept that, without it having been shoved into my face, and while still not aware of her full story. That is a good game. That is a great game (especially when the driving ideals they stand for are yet to be revealed).


The pop-culture references are a hoot (even tho there's just a handful of them). My favorite was the Longbottom HP reference. It might not mean much to others, but it was cathartic for me. It was the perfect segue from disturbed desperation to a cry of hopeful resignation (tho Syd wasn't as relieved). The moment Stuart left after telling Syd his observations, I knew what had to be done. Syd, on the other hand, spent a good chunk of time brooding over the subject, frustrated, and clueless. I'd usually raise my eyebrows (can't raise just one) when the character I'm supposed to be controlling does (and/or heavily considers) the thing that is most certainly gonna make stuff worse. But getting immersed in Syd's track of mind (which considers different sides) was actually very nice because of the execution. Some stuff are a little repetitive but that just shows how anxious and giddy Syd is, and it shows how important it is for him, somehow amplifying Jayda's own anxieties at the same time. It was a little long for me, but that's only because I've made up my mind (the pacing itself is perfect). I knew what I (Syd) was going to do. I refuse to rig the contest, Syd's reflection already explains enough as to why. I was going to support Jayda in other ways because I am painfully aware of how temporary the dopamine that's pumped out will be- for people like me and Jayda. I liked the art of the Girl and the Beast. it's similar to the style I used before, and the style of a close friend of mine. Jayda reminds me of that really close friend. She has similar issues, does art too and is thicc (I have no reservations as she will never find this comment!).

I wanted to 'educate their asses' but I was doubtful as I wasn't sure if that was Syd's forceful way of rigging the contest. So I chose to be quiet. A few sentences of introspection later (by Syd), I felt like a dick (most likely because I was playing a male MC despite being a girl). So I went back and educated some assess. The more I defended the art, the more I felt secure. It was pretty obvious what the 'right' answers are to win the debate, but it was executed so well I couldn't help but finish them (like in the good old Mortal Kombat). It was beautiful. I stumble on my words when speaking despite being 'fluent' in writing. What Syd did (and some stuff Maisy did too) is what I aspire to be able to do when facing such conflicts (I don't usually encounter much conflict tho). I honestly want to pat Syd on the head. It doesn't really matter if he knew (or not) who the painter was. I mean, in the beginning, yeah. It let him know what to look out for. But if Jayda wasn't able to draw what she drew, Syd wouldn't have been able to defend it like that. The shadow was a minute but important detail that, if missing, would've made every stand (Syd made) void. So yeah, Jayda does have the talent and I can't wait to make my own Jayda in real life play this (she plays everything I ask her to and she ends up loving them). (Will do when the game is finished, coz she's broke like me and can't donate. I also cannot allow her to play on my laptop online with this comment being up as she'll turn beet red). 

 

I also like the time when the fourth wall was a l m o s t broken, when Stuart admitted that in retrospect, the secrecy was a little too much (coz... you know, for plot and intensity feels and I think this is the writer's own way of apologizing to us lol. Even if it wasn't, still made me chuckle). Also, I remember Albie is in room 20. While it's being mentioned, we stop and look at a door numbered 44. Once in the room, I see the half-opened door numbered 20. Hehehe (I muttered 20 the moment I saw 44 and I feel like you've already heard me from the future so it changed immediately when we're in Albie's room), hehehe.

But why, you might ask. What is the whole point of this? Is it because I just simply wanted to write an essay? Or is it because the characters geek out a lot and even though it's charming, the VN player just smiles and nods along not fully understanding the stuff but loving them anyway, so the VN player wants to tease the developer back by geeking out too as a teeny-tiny form of revenge? We may never know.


PS. The tutorials weren't presented in the same way as most VN's do. It was a nice subtle change and the 'instructor' is ever so polite, and self-aware enough that they're not that good with naming things. 


Tl;dr: Player geeks out the way some fictional characters geeked out at her and Syd. 

Developer (1 edit)

Hahaha! I always do my best to reply to everyone! It's fun to engage with the audience!

Don't worry about any of that too - a lot of people have learned a few "Australian-isms" thanks to my game hahah!

I am super thankful that you like my game so much! Really, it's great to hear.

Also, while I don't think my game is some paragon or saviour for representation - I did do my best to keep the game as diverse as possible. At the end of the day, I guess it's still about a guy getting into potential relationships with girls - so it's probably not that unique! But of course, I will keep your proportion feedback in mind :)

You have basically the exact reaction I hope people to have of Maisy. I want people to like or dislike her. And if they dislike or like her, to understand why others feel differently. Which you do! She's the game's most divisive character for sure. She's meant to be flawed and human - yet also like, larger than life and wonderful. She's probably the character I write most naturally at least. I'm glad it shows :)

Also, your secret is safe from your friend! Don't worry, she'll never know ;)
But seriously, I am always honoured when people say the characters in LoveSick remind them of people in their own lives. It really makes me feel like I've done a good job if my characters connect with people's real experiences with people!

I love the references you're dropping for my game too - don't worry, they aren't lost on me ;)

Syd has a lot of internal monolgues and - frankly - I do think they need to be cut down a bit before the full release. They go on a bit, and are repetitive. Which was the point, to show how indecisive he is. But I also don't wanna bore the player hahah. Especially on repeat playthroughs. I will find a middle-ground for it!

Hearing your thought process about the art show is also super interesting! I love hearing why people did or didn't do things. It's all valid of course, just interesting. I want the in-game choices to be both impactful and realistic - because it's hard to say what the "right" choice is most of the time.

Hahah, I'm sure Syd would appreciate a good head-pat! And you are completely right: even if Syd knew it was Jayda's... he argued the genuine artistic merit for it. Not just "it's Jayda's art, just vote for it", y'know? It's morally grey, but that was my hope when I made it that way :D

Yeah, Stuart realizes he was just as caught-up-in-the-moment as everyone else was. He's human liek the rest of the gang, even if he acts a bit detached sometimes hahah. I'm glad you liked the references! I packed heeeeaps into the game. Everyone's hobbies "OtherWorld/Around The Galaxy/Doomsday 3/etc" are all based on real games and fandoms. I just switched some words and scenarios around hahah.

Also! The door they wait outside is someone else's. Albie's room is down the hall ;)

I'm glad to hear you love watching this awkward group of geeky friends geek out and finally come to terms with/understand their blossoming feelings as they mature and start growing up. They're in this transitionary period between childhood and adulthood, and it's weird, and messy, and feelings WILL get hurt... but at the least, they can enjoy the time they do have with each other. While they still have it. Sometimes, it's nice to just talk about your favourite show(s) or game(s) with your friends, and indulge in what you love. That's the aspect of friendship that LoveSick Darlings really wants to represent positively.

I'm glad my weird "tutorial/instructor" character/voice is entertaining! It's fun writing self-aware dialogie hahahah...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I love discussing LoveSick Darlings!
If you want to discuss more, and have a discord account, I highly recommend joining the Discord server! It's quite active, and there are quite a few LoveSick Darlings fans to talk with! (Inclduing me, I'm very active there!)
You can join here if you so feel like it: https://discord.gg/7pxB8c3
Have a nice day in any case!

Thanks for the invite. Will take it.