this game sucks. (tw: suicide)
i remember seeing this game everywhere back in 2023, so i finally decided to try it. i loved the character designs and was surprised to see it labeled as horror, which made me even more curious. at first, it was really boring. the dialogue was long and felt unnecessary, and i kept clicking through it to get it over with. when i got to sayori's death scene, i was completely shocked. i felt uncomfortable and ended up closing the game not long after and deleting it entirely.
in january of last year, one of my closest friends passed away from suicide. it broke me, and my life hasn’t been the same since and it never will. while grieving, i found myself downloading the game again. for privacy, let’s call my friend angel.
angel loved doki doki literature club. it was one of her favorite games. because of that, i found myself playing it again. this time, i actually read the dialogue and paid close attention to what was going on, instead of rushing it like i did last time. that's when i realized how much i missed the first time. when i got to sayori's death again, i cried. i saw angel in sayori. i saw that same sweet girl i lost. but this time, instead of feeling uncomfortable, i felt strangely comforted.
as i played on, i broke down even more. angel and sayori seemed like the same person in so many ways. they both hid their emotions behind happy personalities, smiles, and laughs. i even saw parts of angel in the other characters too, like yuri and natsuki, and some monika. and that brought me peace.
this game scared the hell out of me, but it also comforted me. it sucks—not because the game is bad, but because of the feelings it brings out. feelings that are hard to face. this game changed me and the way i think, and that is no exaggeration. doki doki literature club has easily found it's way into my heart. it's my comfort game. and now, i love it. i regret ever doubting it.
and to my angel, i love you, my sweet girl. you deserved nothing that had happened to you. i hope that you laughed in my face while i was crying because i KNOW i looked stupid asf... i love you, and i still wear that bracelet you made for me everyday. i hope it never breaks.
love, kat