Pros:
- The line on each panel is short, about one or two sentences which is good. I am frequently engaged clicking through the panels.
- Art is nice
- The story is understandable
- The cliff hanger / ending / conceit is interesting enough that I would consider playing a full version of the game, would be happy to provide further feedback on subsequent versions.
Things to improve:
- The story itself could be punchier or more compelling. It drags a bit with backstory and details that do not seem directly pertinent to the main mystery.
- Some backstory is fine, and the options presented are somewhat interesting, but there is room to make them significantly more interesting.
- IMO the dialogue itself should be able to function as a page-turning short story on its own (doesn't matter that the medium here is a video game).
- It is unclear how much of the biographical detail of Luce's life is necessary to the story. Would suggest cutting some details and focusing on tighter plot points / beats / twists to engage the player.
- Did not really get the 'weird music' that was supposed to play twice. There should be an actual strange sound effect associated with this, not just the visual effect.
Misc comment:
Regarding the future update of "Deeper philosophical discourses on longing & belonging", it is important that the story manages to appeal to a broad audience. I get a sense that there is an autobiographical element to this video game that the authors may be projecting like the contents of the diary and the presence of a banana duck plushie (which in itself is fine), but it is important to figure out how to reframe elements of it so more people can relate on a personal level (which is difficult to do with content creation).
Would be happy to be a beta version tester and provide more detailed real-time feedback as the project progresses: wakeupplayerone@gmail.com