I actually like the old sprites. They were all so handsome and fluffy.
TheFurryFox
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A member registered Dec 22, 2020
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Thank you for taking the time to read the review. (EDITED)
1- I don't disagree that the character designs are of good quality. I am just having trouble imagining metal shoulder and chest pads on something that reminds me of Khakis like how ww2 uniforms use to be.
There are also some detailing with lines to give the art style more depth. However I've seen similar things (and more... well executed?) on anime figurines. In fact, some even go further and try to add not only lines but some texture that is somewhat lacking with the art style of your FVN (eg https://www.odditycentral.com/art/artist-turns-generic-figurines-into-ultra-real...) It wouldn't hurt to add some texture to what you have right now because with just 1 extra shade of darker/lighter color (besides some black lines for detail) it doesn't really help the viewers get a sense of touch into your world and so it becomes less memorable.
2- I really like space genres (battles, adventure, or smut...) so when I came across this there was a hope it would be a big project. Im not blaming you or anything... My impatience made my tongue slip and you didn't deserve any unfair criticism for that. You have every right to write the story you want to write. The point I was trying to make is that FVNs are now starting to get so popular that there is incentive for a big team to make a FVN with multiple routes or other interesting mechanics and have it be profitable. Some FVN patreons have almost a thousand subscribers with a decent chunk giving more than just 1$ a month. There are digital nomads living and working from low cost of living countries (or cruise ships) so if I had the necessary equipment and team this would definitely be my full time job AND i'd have a better, less stressful living condition.
3- (The Edit. Sorry about the great wall of text. Ill try to get to the point without dragging as much).
To put it short, I read a lot. While I don't write as much as i'd like to, I still know what ingredients goes into a good story.
One ingredient is readability. If you check out Comidacomida's work on SoFurry you'll see what I mean. He uses simple words, doesn't phrase things that need a grammar expert to have a double think, and the... colors? of the vocabulary are wonderful, so when you read it you actually enjoy it because he can turn words into art with the way it is all strung together. Unfortunately In Finite Space lacks these qualities in some regards, making it a bit of a chore to read through.
Another is the narrative. Im sure it is too early to tell, but I am not really learning anything about the characters of what their culture values. Readers love flawed characters that are relatable or different cultures that makes us see things with new perspectives, however the storyteller fails in this regard. I thought it was going well with Eryx the Bear but then events became incoherent and lacked logic. Supposedly his parents make him train very hard. And then he loses a spar. So he is staying up late to get in more training. Now all that makes sense if you think he is punishing himself over his loss while having an ego for being #1, but he has a clumsy streak (because he did fall down. Also this FVN isn't shy about stereotypes, and bears tend to have a clumsy stereotype to them). Perhaps his character arc is about letting go of perfection or being what youre not but that isn't done. In fact I am not sure what is done... Is he just eye candy for people with a specific type? That's all it seems like to me.
Speaking of coherency and logic, this FVN doesn't seem to feel like it was written by 1 person who has something to say. It feels like it was written by 10 different (horny) people. Im sure we all played or seen others play "take turns to complete a sentence but you can only say 1 word on your turn". If it is written by 1 person they need to go back to the storyboard phase and start ripping out things that don't have any importance. Distill it to its essence while keeping the sequence of events logical. You can keep things logical by first writing out the personality and temperment of your characters, eg an angry character with a short temper would go from grumbling to physically violent when they get triggered. Eryx sort of held up well since you both can bond over losing your spars, making the easy friendship with him logical, but then that's about it. In their world the new recruits are very subservient to their superiors but there is no logic for that. Supposedly they are fodder, and yet they are trained as if to become superiors themselves... This makes no logical sense unless it is about patriotism (yet they are so racist and elitist to each other? even patriotism for such a cruel society seems illogical, though you could make the case for brainwashing which can be interesting) or if the new recruits are all some kind of sadists. I think the latter because of how degraded the MC wants to be and has.... a kink for his officer... It just feels that way. Which makes it weird their whole army culture is about a dom/sub sex relation. That's not my fetish so I dont feel simpatico with the MC and the way he goes out of his way to be of "service".
Last 2 things would be the pacing between certain events as well as the world building going on so far.
Pacing is more than how many words you write between 2 events. You can even make it shorter or longer AND make the story even better for it. Pacing does a lot of things, one of which is setting a mood for expectations, or to set it up to subvert expectations if your MC is about to meet a subversive or tricky new character. Ender's Game does this really well, but if you'd rather another FVN that does it well would be Roads Yet Traveled. (Spoilers) The MC is nervous to meet the Captain, and it turns out for good reason too, because she turns out to be very intimidating. At first I thought the MC was being a wimp for no reason and there was no reason to fear her... And then we meet her and OMG she is scary! I am actually glad a writer can make me regret being wrong (in a good way ofc). But thankfully she is rational and not mean for the sake of being mean... She did make it to Captain after all so it wouldnt be logical some mega corporation would put someone unhinged at the helm of the ship. The pacing between when the MC was getting nervous, to waiting for the suspense to build, to meeting her and being alone for a while, and when Tyre gets a beat down, to once again being alone with her is all well paced and helps the reader feel the subtle feelings the writer intended to portray and releases our nervousness about her when it is all over while having something to look forward to when meeting her again WHAT!? Unfortunately that all goes out the window in In Finite Space. It always feels like there is unsettled business with every character so far. While I have no issues with the events the way they start and end leaves me emotionally confused. For eg the feelings of solitude right before we meet Eryx just seems to start right back up when we part ways. The MC (thus the writer) fails to insert the way the world subtly changes. We walked out of that entire interaction with the way things started. I was expecting more of a skip to our step or a change of perspective about lonely nights. No offense, but besides the eye candy your characters dont feel like they do anything else for the reader on an emotional level.
While I do not like information dumps, there needs to be more moments where the MC notices something and explains how it makes him feel. IK it helps build up mystery to not describe an enemy too much too quickly but I feel like that whole scene should be rewritten. Often, the reactions of others are supposed to be a hint to how we should react, and yet that was missing. No shared scar trope, no mention to how things changed forever (other than still being at war) ((eg take the TSA ever since 9/11)), no change of mood from rambunctious to solemn... At least it doesn't feel that way. Besides the enemy, you could point to certain technology, engineering, or culture that needed to evolve from something we as the reader can relate to into something new that makes logical sense to their world. Unfortunately I fail to feel what it is like to be part of their world. Because of the tone it is written in, and that I find horny for the sake of horny to be annoying, it just feels like this facility theyre all in is a candy shop and the MC is just there to oogle some furry people while trying to get his kink on and I can't take the story seriously. I think story ought to come before the smutt since that is guaranteed to make people read your work and have more of an emotional impact with a character they can relate to or fancy. I just think a writer would feel bad if people use the skip button until they reach a nude character...
There are more ingredients but I dont find them as important as these, especially since In Finite Space seems to be very lacking in these regards I find most important. I don't mean to come off across as someone who just wants a story written differently. I genuinely believe there is always a better way to rewrite a thing, and there is a lot of polishing that can be done without changing the essence of this story. Ive read so many stories so Id know what works and what is just clutter that ruins more ways of enjoying the story than helps it. This FVN does have some clutter but most of common of all is a carelessness when it comes to the reader in mind. Your readers are always thinking and making assumptions and going through feelings and emotions. We don't get a flow from the writer and it can feel like we are just a spectator to a wolrd and people we dont care about. Many people would call such experiences a waste of time with nothing to gain. I am sure many would disagree with me, but I would wager it is because they find a certain character appealing or have the same kinks as the MC. Nothing wrong with what you fancy, but stories are supposed to be for a wider audience to learn something. Im sure if we could have art of a character they fancy and a story about them my same cirtics would flock to that media over your FVN which I am sure you are pouring so much effort and love into. FVNs wont survive against such media that can do what you do but more cheaply and less time consuming, so if you also care about being fairly compensated and appreciated you'd focus more on the quality of the writing and take your time to polish it up, at least until the characters, personalities, and events they find themselves in are all logically coherent, and trust your audience to love them over the relatable moments and moments they wished they had IRL. While it wont be an "Amazing work of art!" it is good enough for a FVN made by a passionate small scale creator and be a lot better than what it is now.
This seems like a potentially good visual novel.
Furry Visual Novels are just so different, so "indie" in a good way. But they do lack a lot especially in mechanics and scale. This isn't a bad thing per se, but I feel like there are too many linear stories in the furry genre. IK scale is hard to achieve with such a small team especially when they may have other jobs but as a FVN coming out sort of 'late' without anything special to add I feel a bit let down.
The artwork is amazing. I kind of do want to give it a 10/10 but there is still a lot of clean up that can be done, especially in texturing some materials. Everything (including the fur) feels like its made of plastic.
I personally do not get the dedication of these characters and why they have an intense emotional need to not let down their superiors. I'm just going to say it... It doesnt feel like they are militarily involved with their superiors. I think they just want to get in their senpai's bed by being an obedient good boy. --While sluttiness can be entertaining (eg Temptations Balad) it didnt seem to fit with the idea sold to us in the beginning, that they are at war with a very dangerous adversary and that they might have been brainwashed to be loyal fodder or at least have a good reason to be so patriotic. I just dont see it yet.
There are more of these logical "threads" that are just cut because I have my expectations subverted in similar ways. So Id have to rate the story boarding of the writer quite poorly for putting together something incoherent. Aside from that, it is written well enough if not a little fast paced. Since they are all in a facility or wearing a device more time could have been spent by the author helping us see what the MC sees as his first time on board this training base as he makes his way or gets alarms/calls (read Enders Game for reference). Things were either rushed into action or retreating to talk about the MCs negative emotions (it was done a tad too much too quickly. While I dont doubt you have a plan for this, as the reader it is becoming unbarable and making me dislike the MC. For a soldier he sure is a whiney bitch. You could try introducing other emotions because us readers want to feel good from time to time, not just sorry for the MC and then distracted by the horny stuff until it is time to feel sad again).
Id suggest to go over the story board. The sequence of events that happen are fine but you can go about the transition a little more slowly and introduce the world to us. The characters seem like they were cookie cutted and dont have unique motivations. All I feel from them is a tad bit of racism/elitism or being friendly for no reason. While a few characters were given a basic personality, they dont really pop out as if they could be a real life person with depth. All you really got going is a sensible sequence of events and some sexy characters. While this can be sold to a lot of people without complaints, that isn't exactly something id waste my time with, even if furry visual novels are hard to come by, id just not read this if the quality stays the same because it is incapable of making me feel anything (except maybe a little horny).
Over all there is real potential if this gem can be polished up. I am hoping for bettter stuff to come.
Your writing is so spot on. Please dont compare yourself to Lovecraft. I've read him and his stuff is a bit boring to me (maybe notsomuch the concepts of some of his creatures). I could read your work all day and all night and still want more.
IDK how much literature I have consumed, but it feels like at least half a book a week. Perhaps more if we include comics and jokes. And you come real close in terms of style and flow to my most favorite witer. (ComidaComida. You can find his work on SoFurry if youre curious).
Finding writers who make each sentence so easy and enjoying to read is soooo rare. I might be selfish but I really do hope you continue to put out work for years and decades to come.
Note to RitchLombaroo:
This VN was actually quite fun to read through. I had v 1.2.2 downloaded with Korby in it and also loved his teasing nature. Maybe I just miss that version more or somehow miss Korby XD He was really cute :3
I noticed your English has improved so much too. Although I am usually a picky reader, I do love reading things made by people whose 1st language is not English just because it has a uniqueness of its own. It is actually a big reason why I like this VN so much. It reminds me of having to watch Code Lyoko in French when my 1st and 2nd languages are English and Arabic.
Considering this is a highschool themed VN it gave me a lot of nostalgia for those times. It made me glad to come across this VN.
Thank you for creating this, and although it seems like work to you, I do hope you find the passion for writing up VNs some day.
Next chapter should be out very soon.
Supposedly it should have been out this month considering his pace and promises. I'd reckon no more than 2 months though, and that's like the worst case scenario.
Apparently the creator isn't good on the programming end and the sprites are slowing his progress down.
Build 1.5 In Progress And Sharing Some Concerns. comments · Posted in Build 1.5 In Progress And Sharing Some Concerns. comments
Woah this VN was pretty good. You sure are building up a defense for every kind of accusation. I hope you do find the time to chill. Your art is amazing and those who appreciate it want more. Let the haters hate in silence and let's ignore them. Sure am glad to have stumbled onto your VN. Def deserves all its popularity.
Not much of a theory. You could even argue theyre not of our universe or timeline.
I reckon for better or worse the MC is stuck/chooses to stay there and never going back.
Going by the pacing we should meet the captain. We will then meet even more important people. Drama usually kicks off around that time. I can only guess what will happen.
Liking the concept so far. Can't wait to learn more about the world and characters.
Artwork is bautifully done. 9.9/10. I get the thick style isn't for everyone but that does not mean it is a terrible quality. On the contrary, you seem to know how to make it work because usually it can be artistically unappealing unless that is your specific taste. This is actually cute and cuddly. Good work.
As for the writing... Something about it just feels off somehow. I felt like sentences were quite short. It makes characters seem unconvincing with their motives IMO if you can just rush through things like that. For example, Aron the MC only concern was the issue of species when he finds the "werewolf" and leaves off at that, despite the writer having the opportunity to explain Agnarr a bit more. The MC also has a (relatively) calm reaction to finding himself covered in fur and sporting some kind of lump on his face. If he is the calm type, I would have expected him to be more rational and come up with better theories than LARPers, but as said, the author is just speeding through everything that I (and readers?) dont have a frame of mind or emotional state of the MC much. He even plans to go back to the human world. A question I want answered is why would he go back looking like a lion? Does he think going back will change him into a human? Or is he just too panicked that he forgets he is a lion all together? I think the author is missing many chances to explain things from a deeper point. And as far as I can tell, there is no underlying narratives to justify witholding some of this information from the readers, with the exception that Agnarr tells the MC to nod or shake his head if he prefers not to speak. That was a cool way of saving what Udyrs and Sylvings are for a better time.
So far the plot makes sense and seems believable yet entertaining, and I have no issue with the sequence of events... On an imagination level everything seems great. However there exists a lot of opportunities to delve a bit more into their emotions, motivations, and personalities of the characters. As for their physical characteristics the author did quite well and lingered on them with the same amount of time we spent staring at them, though the writer could have done just a little more for Agnarr IMO so we can establish that he is someone important and not to be brushed off.
Read it all in one sitting IT WAS AMAZING.
It is well written and has a unique soul to it. Most definitely a gem! From the characters, to how we learn things as both the reader and the MC, the descriptions within the Blackzone and the creatures stalking them, the pacing, every single point has had a lot of thought behind it and it was beautifully executed by the author.
I do not mean to disparage the artwork, but I would most definitely purchase this as a regular novel, and quite happily too.
I really do love the artwork, especially that darn Husky. It also gives a unique vibe to this VN which I have fallen in love with. It's no masterpiece but it doesn't have to be. It's everything it needs to be given the setting.
Overall, this is a well put together VN which was also incredibly fun to read. I'd be insane not to share this with others, so I have taken the liberty of telling some friends. Great job Ryuo 11/10.
Very rust punk-y indeed. I loved it so far, but there is still room for improvements. What I disliked about the VN was the buggy rides. You seemed to use it as a pause from the action so you can better explain the characters and places of your world, and something about how that was delivered made it feel like a boring chore to read through. This is just an idea, but what if you had the MC dream about those moments, so instead of 'explaining' things to the reader, we could live through them ourselves from the MC's perspective?
In my opinion, as a reader, I do not like long moments where the writer dumps information about their world and characters/events. These notes should be kept to the writer and then thought of a fun or exciting way to show the reader those things, rather than explain it to the readers like it was a lesson and the VN is the classroom. It is interesting, dont get me wrong, but information dumps suck when you are the reader who expects something a little more, in terms of standards.
Good luck and please keep it up. I really enjoyed this VN and cant wait to see what happens next.
Agreed with blaber below. Except the country I am in blocks those sites. (I mean the kind that offers donation with no product/service attached, and patreon/kofi and other things like that and crowd sourcing is all off the table).
I tend to support creators by buying their merch, or weirdly, asking a friend to support them for me in exchange for skins/game sharing on steam XD
Well we weren't told everyone is supposed to be locked in their rooms. Just like there is a chance he was doing something shady to hurt them all, he could be sneaking around to avoid an actual spy in their midst that he is trying to give wrong clues to or misinform without trying to get caught by anyone else. If anything, Max the tiger could be a spy. He got all worked up when things got complicated with the MC joining in and doing a new part in their schemes. He would have no time to warn the people he is working for, which is why he is (the only one) freaking out about a new recruit.
Again, I could be all wrong. IK not all story writers try to make things hard for their readers, and would prefer to highlight who the good and bad are. Benjie sneaking around at night as a major clue that: because he isn't acting like one of them, it means he is not one of them and is a traitor... or something. / I just don't like easy clues. Makes me feel like I am reading a children's book or the day dreamings and fantasies of somebody else who is sharing it, just with some contexts here and there so it can make sense to readers. I like a little more purpose and intent whenever a character does or says something, rather than just judge them on the first impression because of their position or mood . Didn't grow up on Scooby Doo for nothing ya know?
I kind of get the creators vision of a gay-only game. Even as homosexuality was becoming accepted in the 70s and on, there was never really anything exclusively gay that didn't come with some heterosexual/queer relationships (that changed maybe in ~2005 onward as the internet took off fast). That's a bit of a shame when you consider how many exclusively gay people liked consuming media like literature and art between those times and didn't have anything entirely for themselves unless it was created with a gay-only vision like this game. I'm down with it, even if it is a little hypocritical of general society that demands something LGBTQ in every piece of media from movies to advertisements, instead of letting a few be exclusively heterosexual.
I don't get why people like sus characters whose first impression was to treat us like sh*t. I shoot someone's ear half off and I bet the only BJ I am going to see is the ones I give in jail.
I will say though, theyre running a little underground rebellion rather than some kind of wimpy smear campaign or cancel culture shenanigans. The way I see it, he is making sure we aren't a wimp that will put them all in jeapordy and can be trusted with life/death situations and not snitch them out if we get caught and tortured. As in if we cried our ear got hurt and respond with wanting to cancel him from the group, we're going to give off the impression of a wimp and likely get kicked out. So far MC stayed cool, so maybe now Benjie will chill out.
It would be hard to believe he is a spy. As a spy you dont want anyone to notice you. Not start drama and get the ire of everyone and their vote to kick you out for misbehaving. I just think he takes his underground rebellion work very seriously which makes him come off across as shady (who would have guessed?).
The problem is likely on your end since no one else had that issue that I can see of.
Make sure you have the correct game version for your operating system. Make sure you open it in 32 or 64 bit system depending on your specs again. If needed, run the app as administrator. If you still have problems try creating an exception for the game on your anti virus (sometimes the anti virus programs love to whack safe apps. 99.999% sure there are no viruses in this download. you may have to restart your computer or download the whole game over again if your AV irreparably damaged the game. Just make sure to turn off your AV while it downloads, make the exception ((restart if needed to take effect)), and turn your AV back on so you dont forget after youre done reading).
Renpy also uses graphics, game/mouse/keyboard and sound/voice drivers. Try restarting/updating your drivers on your device manager. They tend to break or need an update to run newer apps sometimes.
If none of these solutions work then IDK what could be wrong. These are the usual problems people have when using Renpy.