itch.io

This was a very nice and cozy story. I loved the juxtaposition of a heavy lore-based universe, but the story itself being very simplistic. I especially loved the relationships between the three main characters; the whole thing felt very nostalgic and calming. I'd love to read more stories in this universe and following these characters!

I absolutely adored the imagery in this story. It was beautiful, unsettling, whimsical, and disturbing all at once. It reminded me of a Studio Ghibli movie.

I loved the ending. It was very bittersweet. It makes me wonder if Cassie and Josie will ever meet again.

What I would recommend is to brush up on your prose.  I noticed a few grammar errors and textual inaccuracies. If you're able, I recommend either reading or listening to an audiobook of the original Alice in Wonderland. This story reminded me of it in a lot of ways, and I think that kind of prose could be a good example to look towards.

Thank you for your comment! Only thing I wanted to clarify is that Valeria is a butch sapphic who goes by she/her and he/him interchangeably. I've met many people who go by he/she, I've even gone by he/she myself at one point (I go by he/they now) and I wanted to represent these kinds of people.

Thank you again for your feedback!

I absolutely adored this story.

The world building was done subtly, but in a way where I could follow along without having it be dumped on me. It made me want to read more of this world, and more of the characters.

I found the interactions between Nipparad and Waylorn absolutely delightful. I loved reading the nervousness and despair from Nipparad as she was forced to leave her life of comfort to be in a life similar to Waylorn's. I especially love how Nipparad's concerns were backed up by the raid.

The action was also very well paced. It dragged just long enough without filling up too much of the story, and was tight and exciting. I found myself on the edge of my seat a few times.

My only complaint is that I would have liked to have seen some more internal conflict, using the prose to see the characters' thoughts a bit more. For instance, I felt the scene where Nipparad puts her face in her hands happened a bit abruptly. A couple of lines in the prose showing that the reality of Nipparad's situation has settled in would have helped.

Aside from that, I really loved this one, and I hope it's only the beginning of a series because I would love to read more. Keep writing!

Really creative retelling of Little Red Riding Hood. I love how it took the original concept of not trusting strangers, and added to it, saying how you sometimes can't trust people who are supposedly your friends.

My only issue is that the ending is a bit abrupt. Aside from that, pretty good!

I really liked this one a lot! Super somber, has an awesome theme of regret and being conflicted, and I loved the somewhat creepy fairy tale vibe it had. Overall a great read ^^