Thanks Grimdark - I'm glad you enjoyed the idea & tense! You basically just described my process on this one - I wasn't planning on participating, but I had an idea I liked, wrote a draft, and did only a small amount of editing before uploading. Hopefully the next one can get a little more time in the process!
I really like this one! Gideon's a strong character, the action sequences are clear and engaging, and the twist/prompt is well implemented. One of my favorites!
The theme & imagery are really strong - I love the concept of a grimdark cyborg struggling to consume enough to compensate for its continual decay. I think the narrative is rather difficult to follow, though - perhaps it's a symptom of the prophet's descent into madness?
I like the concept and the ending - definitely a fun twist on the robot sentience trope. I think you might want to lean a little more heavily on semicolons; they'll help to separate your independent clauses & improve the flow for the reader.
Great job! You do a great job building that slow sense of dread, and the narrator discovering the environment with minimal exposition keeps things engaging. My only tips would be that your font seems a little weird (l's are bolded), and the story ties very loosely into the theme of "creative resources".
I appreciate how you slowly built the setting in the first few paragraphs & really painted the scene. I think it started a little slowly, but it works well with the sharp pivot at the mother's death - the run-on sentence in that scene makes that pivot in the action stand out even more sharply. The closing seems a little rushed; perhaps allocating a little more space there might help flesh out the character arc more strongly.
I like the first person perspective & unique voices you gave the characters! It really helps the reader engage, and the abbreviated grammar was still very understandable.
Good job! I like how you stuck with the mesoamerican naming theme, and the detailed troop movements make the action very clear. I think a little more characterization could help to get the reader more invested and help the action shine even brighter.
Good job! The climactic action was engaging and clear, and I think you did an excellent job slowly feeding background info as it was relevant and avoiding exposition dumps. I think a little proofreading would go a long way toward making the dialogue flow more smoothly - it was sometimes difficult to tell whether Hrothgar was talking about a robot, or to a robot.
