Oh god, the music choice...
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So, a few quick things. this is a pretty solid start for a game, but you really need to fix the audio. You don't need to buy a new microphone to fix the awful background noise. Use Audacity, it's free and there are literally thousands of tutorials that will show you how to fix that within less than 2 minutes.
Secondly, adding more than one jump sound is highly important for a game where you're making this many jumps, because in the first few moments, the same moan that keeps playing is immediately grating on the ears.
Still, those aside, I've seen many, many worse games be popped out on Itch.io, so not bad!
I understand this is a WIP, but having links that lead no-where without any kind of heads-up that they're dead ends is terrible design. More so, when doing such, at least include something in the unfinished passage. Don't just leave it at the default "Double-Click to edit".
It's just lazy.
The setup is pretty basic, especially for a Twine game that appears to be done in Sugarcube(?). The primary enticing bits of the story are rushed and lacking, likely due to the author not being into all things included. When it comes to choices, they don't mesh seamlessly into the story, they're just...there. For example, the passage will go from telling you what's happening, to suddenly giving you the choice of "Sprayed" or "Rejected". One word choices....really? Hopefully that's from them being rushed, not just lazy. The worst offense, however, is the Game Over screen. For a game in which you'll get it often, having no passage to link to the start of the game, or even to just get back to the start of your choices, is just lazy. It takes one line of astoundingly simple "code" and is easy beyond words to loop.
This is a delightfully cute little erotic story! It's short, sweet, and is the kind of adult content that leaves a warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest. I hope to see more from you in the future!
This game seems to have potential, but...the sex "scenes" are 3 frames long, and then they're over. Even someone with the least stamina imaginable wouldn't be able to enjoy that. They seem like they were put in as an afterthought, not as an actual intended feature.
Hey, bugs are bound to happen, no matter how much you may check things! They creep in from nowhere, and take root...they're a scourge. One bug for something like this is nothing to even blink at!
I'd be lying if I said I caught that vibe, but that really might just be me. I'm so used to seeing launches of Interactive stories without any standout-ish features that when I saw yours, both with the ingame images, the effects and even the setup page...I kind of just locked into the mindset that this was something ominous and dark. I can't blame you for my own tunnel vision, but I still felt I should at least mention it as an incase!
You're very welcome, I would love to see more from you in the future! This certainly has a lot more work put into it than I'm used to seeing here, especially for a first launch!
The game is interesting, but seems to be presented as drastically more ominous than it ends up being. The glitching effect on everything sets this up as a really neat suspense story, horror story or even just a thriller, but it's...nothing of the sort. It's interesting and unique enough, but I can't really get behind the theme you went for. That said it's your story, and you're of course free to follow your vision!
Regardless, there's a coding error in Mel's dialogue for the second custom text section.
Just gotta say, it's not very comforting to see a file filled with what looks to be enough content for the game to launch, then being prompted to launch a Command Prompt specifically in Administrator mode. I understand you made the engine yourself, but it comes across as pretty sketchy. Installing anything with a CMD from an unkonwn developer is iffy enough, but one that demands admin makes it significantly worse.
You're very welcome! This is the first project I've left actual feedback on because it's so early in development, but more importantly, promising! I'm glad to know people seem interested; I certainly am!
Knowing that it's a design choice actually makes me perfectly fine with it. It's a bit unfortunate due to the nature of those scenes, and the lack of extra scenes in general, but it's your game! Plus, the idea isn't awful, though it will make grinding a bit more necessary, so I'd only have to add on that enemy scaling will be all the more important! Your idea of adjusting difficulty some for being alone would likely fix that, especially for those like me who...wonder around immediately.
I really look forward to following you as a developer, especially since you're reading the feedback you get! I think delaying a bit longer to add more content would be a good idea, that way new players will also get a longer experience!
Don't worry about the delayed response, you're understandably busy, and I also know that anxious feeling all too well! I'm glad I could give you some positive feedback, and I look forward to future updates! Best of luck, and have a great week!
Wow, so I haven't gotten overly far in the game, but I have to say that it seems very promising! The UI alone makes it stand out from the many, many other games of its type. That being said, it's definitely got a long way to go. There are a lot of typos, and there doesn't seem to be much in the way of diversity when it comes to...pleasure related characters. I know it's early on of course, but it's simply a suggestion to make areas a bit more diverse, perhaps in the range of 3-6 types per "region" (forest, jungle, etc). Perhaps adding something that indicates the level of the area you're entering would also help, because in my attempt to explore, I entered into an area with enemies that kept 1-hit KO'ing me, and that's an issue when you have to also run back through said area. On that note, a surrender option would be nice simply because of cases like that, or at least a method to speed up combat. Finally, from the three enemies I saw, there weren't any loss related scenes, so I'd have to suggest some of those be added as well! All in all...really strong start, and I'm excited to see where this goes!
Two people advertising their channels, saying they enjoyed the game and leaving video links, yet only 1 review of the game which likely wasn't by them considering the rating. How typical of those people.
This is...a weird strategy for letting people know about your game. I understand teasers, but this is just a main menu that looks like a rip from most music based YouTube channels out there. If anything, I want to play this game less after seeing this.
Not a bad start at all! I constantly find horribly empty launches for games that show no promise what-so-ever! This game, however, looks like it could really shape up into something though! There are only a handful of typos, and the concept isn't one I see often; if at all! If you update this regularly, and add a bit more detail into the 18+ sequences (the one you had was very, very short, even for a demo) then this could certainly be promising! Best of luck, and I look forward to seeing how it comes along!
There's actually nothing in the game right now, every single path except blackmarket says "Path Under Construction", and that only goes for one piece of art and then just ends too. I understand Early Access and early in development, but this has almost literally no content. The first version you uploaded actually had more content than this, but was unplayably broken. Is this actually how the game is, or did you upload a broken copy?
I'm going to give some harsh criticism, and I do so with the intent of helping.
For starts, although the game itself is your first, it doesn't excuse the literary errors. A few typos in lengthy, unfinished games are fine. This, however, is incredibly short, and riddled with errors. More so to that, there are constant interface errors, such as the options you have to choose from mashing into the text, showing what I can only imagine to be a rushed product.
The biggest issue with this game stems from what you're calling it. This is, in no way, a choose your own adventure game. You're only given a single choice the entire game that actually does anything. The options are all superficial. You can look at something, then look at something else, and in doing so, you change nothing. That's not choosing your own adventure, that's just adding a little bit of detail. You're lacking the most important entity for it to fit that niche of all.
You've got a lot of work ahead of you before this shapes up to be what I can only imagine you hope it will become, but if you're dedicated and serious, I'm sure you can do it.
Good luck, hope this helped!
I know it's been said, but I adore the new art for Vivian! I actively avoided her at all costs because of the previous art, but the new art is far, far more fitting for both her, and the game!