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Mac1440

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A member registered Mar 06, 2020 · View creator page →

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There is a vibe this game has that I've really been looking for and only now have found. The vibe in question being a sense of apathy and misery both in the world and characters. While I don't like everything about this game, those dislikes are more of a taste thing and not objective criticism. To me, this story was simply a group of (mostly) friends who get their shitty and mentally I'll existence pounded by life. It seems that Hailey and Maya are the main focus for this story due to the jam it was submitted to, but almost all the other characters are subject to complicated and shitty relationships. And the dynamics and interactions between these individuals are extremely interesting to see.

Something I was really surprised with was how a not small number of characters were each written to be memorable and behave uniquely. If you told me a character's name, I could instantly put a face to it and tell you about their personality and what they did in the story, that is not an easy thing to pull off as a writer. I was also surprised at the comedy this game was able to pull off, especially with Audrey, I think I audibly laughed like 2-3 times during this thing.

Story aside, the game was made really well. I liked the game's style and its art, and if I recall correctly I only caught one spelling mistake. What I didn't like however was the use of things like "LMAO" or keyboard spamming in the voice lines. I don't mind it when characters are texting of course, but when it's in-person dialogue it just felt weird, I suppose this is a preference however.

Great job to everyone involved in this game's creation, and if it's not a problem, I'd love to ask questions about the writing process.

I have issues with this, but identifying personal opinion from the objective is a hard thing to do. I will give you this, I watched the F1 movie last night and this was more memorable than that. When it comes to my thoughts on story criticism I usually just let my nuts hang but this story has a particular audience that is pretty separate from me, so I won't. It would be like bringing a Lana Del Ray fan to a Yeat concert and having them give a review.

I will start with my compliments. The story is contained and I love that. Short stories are best when revolving around a single place and/or stretch of time so it's good to see that. Additionally the subject of AI and its use by people to substitute real-life connections I think was handled well. The fact that the story's main subject is a very relevant issue in modern society makes this even better.

There is only one piece of advice I feel I can give without it being opinionated. You should slow down on the profanities. I think I read "fuck" like every six lines. Frustration and an overall poor mental state does not require cursing and in a story cursing can either be a hindrance or a powerful thing. With so much of it (and this is what I mean by blurring the lines of opinion and objective) the story bogs itself down whereas if she only used such words in critical moments, the use of that vernacular is given weight.

Lastly, the idea of a federal employee sitting behind a computer screen half asleep at 2am getting someone to masturbate as a job is pretty funny.

This wasn't for me, regardless I hope you continue to write and create. Best of luck with your future projects I wish you well.

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Nice, any estimation for the English translation?

I might be stupid 

That was great. I do have some complaints, not narratively but in terms of gameplay. first of all, I feel like the symbols on the back of pictures should just be replaced with numbers. If they hold actual significance within the narrative then sure keep them in but if they don't just number them off it's easier that way. Also, I literally just guessed until the combination worked. What was I looking for? Originally I was attempting to list off the photo's relevant to the age of the character within them. I thought it was him as a kid, then in high school with friends, then in collage with friends, then married, but that combo didn't work so I just gave up and listed random shit. Additionally I feel like you should add some hints into where to go next or interact with things, audio cues or some visual draw. Especially in the warehouse because it took me three minutes to figure out you can move the rug. Apart from that it was a wonderful game. I always love cryptic storytelling left to interpretation.

The ending of "I'm gay" or "nothing" felt out of place but I think that the whole tone of speaking with a family member about life on top of the serenity of a long drive works really well.