itch.io

This just might be the best vore VN there is. Simply awesome.

More please.

Thanks for the reply. I kinda had suspected where some of the problems stemmed from.

I found the game over on f95zone (which itch doesn't want me to link), and left roughly the same comment there first. Just edited it a little bit and split it in two parts to post it here. You might be able to find more feedback there later if you want to (for the time being, there's not much).

Either way, good luck with development.

I also put together a list of miscellaneous errors. Some of them are kind of mentioned in the other comment. It's based on a single playthrough, so it's certainly incomplete. I also didn't pay close attention during day 3, so I probably missed a lot there.

You, MC, a real estate developer with everything riding on the purchase of the mysterious Violet Mansion in Elmridge Pines. -> (This sentence is missing a verb.)
are you, Mr.? -> (better to spell out 'Mister' here, the abbreviation really only makes sense in front of the name)
in somewhere like this -> (either "somewhere like this" without the 'in', or, probably better, "in a place like this")
Yes,that's the one -> Yes, that's the one. (space after comma, and a period at the end)
for profits -> for profit
here for The Bell's or any of thier properties -> the Bells or any of their properties
That greedy old bastards are tryin' to buy the whole town for themselfs. -> Those greedy old bastards [...] themselves.
Nodding approvingly. -> (maybe mark this somehow to show he's not just saying this)
His voice, seasoned with the weight of years and experience. -> (again, missing verb)
led by the Albert Violet -> (no 'the')
meet my daughter Angie, -> (period instead of comma)
I didn't realize The mansion came -> the (lowercase)
Mr white -> Mr. White
You decides to head to the mansion alone, but as you walks along the road, you spots Angie -> decide [...] walk [...] spot
what happened? -> What
(you lift angie in your arms) -> (You lift Angie in your arms.)
As they made their way towards Angie's farm -> As you made your way (also, later in this line, there's a comma missing a space after it, and both a 'you' and a 'your' that should not be capitalized)
Ask why her dad hates the bells -> the Bells
You gently lowers her to the ground. -> you gently lower
You makes his way -> You make your way
You gathers your courage and walks -> you gather your courage and walk
As You steps inside, -> As you step inside,
as though You been here before -> as though you've been here before
Entering the bedroom, You feels a strange -> you feel
You undresses and slips beneath the covers -> undress
Just as you drifts to sleep -> drift
With a dazed awareness -> (without the 'a' I think, but I'm unsure)
you opens your eyes -> open
her ghosply pales face with bright violet eye. -> Her ghostly pale face [...] eyes.
You recoganizes her.someone really close to you. -> You recognize her. Someone
along the length of your erect dick -> (this needs a comma at the end of the line)
succumb to the ecstasy -> (again, this needs a comma the the end of the line)
PARALYSIS--or so you think, It feels too real -> (either the comma need to be a period, or the 'it' needs to be lowercase)
you feel yourself slipping -> (capital 'You')
Hey...miss? -> Miss
Your sleepy haze dissipating as you noticed her staring. -> dissipates
You offers her a reassuring smile. -> offer
Thank you, Mr. MC I appreciate it. -> Thank you, Mr. MC, I appreciate it.
Support Mr.white -> Mr. White
you chuckled, a hint of amusement dancing in your eyes. -> (capital 'You')
Definilty -> Definitely
you scratched his head, a note of uncertainty in his voice. -> You scratched your head, [...] your voice.
Mr.White's place -> Mr. White's
You left the tavern, With your mind preoccupied -> (Either remove the comma, or remove the 'with'. If you keep the 'with', make it lowercase.)
you disappear into the darkness -> (capital 'you')
steps, You heart pounding -> your
awaited for you -> ("awaited you" or "waited for you")
You and Angie stumbled backward, their minds -> your minds
as you outlined their next steps -> your next steps
the unsettling truth they had unearthed -> you
the White's farm -> the Whites' farm
Remembering Eva's invitation -> (This is a weird one. After this comes a choice, and if you pick the first option, the sentence continues. I would just put some ellipses here ('...'))
You leaves the tarvern , anticipating -> You leave that tavern, anticipating
You groggily makes -> make
Mr.MC -> Mr. MC
So, Violet, are we leaving now? -> Violette

Interesting premise, lots of mystery. I'm intrigued. Another thing I find really intriguing is the claim that you get to "Shape your own romantic destiny with decision-making at every turn." Now that is what I'm looking for.
Anyway, here's all the problems I found with the game:

The included font for the menu seems to be missing numbers and special characters, resulting in all the numbers in the save/load menu to be replaced by boxes. This applies to both the page numbers and the date and time below each save. The quick menu under the textbox also shows this problem with the quick-load and quick-save buttons.

After Mr. White and Angie leave, Eva is described as the only person left in the room, even though the bar still sounds quite noisy.

Speaking of Eva. The MC's date with her is an absolute disaster. First off, your choice is not whether to have the date or not; it's whether you want to see it. You can go to the date, or you can skip it and have no idea what actually happened when MC and Eva talk about it later.
But that's not all. The date progresses as follows: A bit of conversation, then you either leave (which is also labeled 'skip', so I don't know if you actually leave, or if it's just another skip option) or you play "truth or strip" with her. During that game, you get the choice of answering the truth (which is predetermined, so no player opinion allowed) or stripping. Finally, in the last part of the game, where you get to ask your own questions, you can again just skip to the last one. Well, not really, because after that you still have one more. But you get to either ask that one (without knowing which one it is) or "wimp out" and leave. As the date then crosses into sexual territory, you get two more chances to "wimp out".
Here's the thing. With so many different points at which the MC could leave, the follow-up conversation the next day goes the exact same way no matter how the date went, including scheduling a proper date at the Carnival. So in a game that boasts you can "Shape your own romantic destiny with decision-making at every turn", you get seem to get railroaded into a relationship. But hey, at least you don't have to see the first date...

On the way to the Carnival with Angie, MC mentions wanting to return to the cave. Angie just says he shouldn't because it's too dangerous. But as far as I remember, she doesn't even know about the cave, or at least what's in it.

There are a few lines starting with a space, which looks a little weird. It's not that noticeable, so I suppose it doesn't have to be fixed, but I would fix it.

I only noticed this later, but it seems the narration can't quite decide if it should be in present or past tense. The error list below reflects no such issues.

There are a number of lines ending without punctuation. Some of which is fine, since the sentence continues in the next line (which I don't love, but fine). But I've found a ton of lines that are just plain missing a period.
The word 'you' behaved quite weirdly in this script. 'You' or the variations 'your' and 'yourself' are randomly capitalized (often after a comma, but not always), plus a number of sentences starting with 'you' that leave it in lowercase.

Commas should always have a space after them.

Finally, the script commonly applies 3rd-person conjugations where they shouldn't be (e.g. "you makes").

I really haven't read very far yet (just until the end of the first meeting with Ali), but so far it seems pretty good.

The game could do with a proofread.  There are a few simple misspellings (for example the place the MC gets assigned to is spelled in 3 different ways), titles and sometimes names are in lowercase, "and" often comes without a comma when there should be one, and vocative commas are missing most of the time. Also, there's a bunch of lines ending without punctuation.

I also think it would be neat if the MC could be named by the player, but maybe you have a reason to withhold that option?

Anyway, I wish you good luck with the game.