I really haven't read very far yet (just until the end of the first meeting with Ali), but so far it seems pretty good.
The game could do with a proofread. There are a few simple misspellings (for example the place the MC gets assigned to is spelled in 3 different ways), titles and sometimes names are in lowercase, "and" often comes without a comma when there should be one, and vocative commas are missing most of the time. Also, there's a bunch of lines ending without punctuation.
I also think it would be neat if the MC could be named by the player, but maybe you have a reason to withhold that option?
Anyway, I wish you good luck with the game.