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Would you be open to helping me as well? The author’s courage to keep going really inspired me to finally try bringing my own story here. They mentioned you by name, and I’ve read your work — honestly, it’s amazing! The way you handled character creation really stood out to me; it made the player feel like they were inside the story. That’s exactly the kind of depth I’d love to capture too, and maybe even take it a step further in some areas.

I already know the direction I want to take with the story, but I’m not great with Twine — so guidance there would mean a lot.

If you’re willing, that would be incredible! And if not, I totally understand — no pressure at all. Either way, I really admire what you’ve built.

Btw, thank you for helping inspire the author to keep going. You’re a good person.

Hell yeah! I’m so glad to hear this. The fact that you’re giving it another shot speaks volumes about your strength as a writer. And honestly? That “not much of an achievement” moment you mentioned — being personally invited and awarded by the mayor for your writing — that’s HUGE. Don’t downplay that. Recognition like that doesn’t happen to just anyone, and it shows that even back then, your words had real power.

That critic’s comment was absolute garbage, and I’m so glad you didn’t let it stop you. Seeing you continue in spite of that fucking asshole actually inspired me to finally start putting my own work here. You’ve got more backbone than most, and it shows in your writing. Keep doing what you do, because people like me needed to see it. And if you’re open to it, I’d love to hear what you think about a story I’ve been working on too — no pressure, I’d just be curious to get your perspective since your courage and skill have already inspired me to take the leap.

I also love how you turned it back on the critic with, “show me your professionally made Twine story and I’ll gladly shut the fuck up.” Exactly. Anyone can swing from the sidelines, but until they step into the arena and create something of their own, their demolition act means nothing. And I respect you even more for pointing out that English isn’t your first language — but you never used that as an excuse not to try. You just put your work out there, and it’s connecting with people. That’s courage.

I’m honestly honored you mentioned me by name. To know that my words helped you hold onto your passion means more than I can say. Your stories do matter, and you’ve already proven that they can move people — myself included. I’ll be here, cheering you on, ready to read every new update you share. And if you ever want someone who’s actually willing to edit and build you up instead of tear you down (cough cough fuck the critic cough cough), I’m here.

Keep going — you’ve got a community behind you, and we’re not going anywhere.

I don’t know how to write? If my writing were truly without merit, you wouldn’t have felt the need to respond. If my argument had no weight, you wouldn’t be deflecting instead of addressing the actual points I laid out. I made clear, specific points about your approach and its effect, and you chose to ignore them. That says more about you than about me.

Yes, you engaged in malicious theatrics — that’s not an insult, it’s a description of what you did: you demolished a beginner’s confidence with glee, then doubled down instead of reflecting. That isn’t critique, that’s cruelty. And nothing I said was ironic. What's ironic is your claim to be helping while actively trying to snuff someone out.

If all you can do in response is dismiss, deflect, and twist words you barely use correctly, then you’re proving my point: you care more about performance than substance. Critics sharpen art; hecklers just make noise. Right now, you’re not critiquing — you’re heckling.

Funny how you admit your “feedback” destroyed their will to write, but instead of apologizing sincerely, you double down on being “right.” Feedback isn’t just about what you say, but how you say it. What you gave wasn’t constructive—it was cruel, and it shows you care more about hearing yourself critique than about helping someone grow. You obliterated their confidence, positioned yourself as a mentor, and then admitted you weren’t even equipped to judge English writing? You don’t get to swing the wrecking ball and then pretend you’re there to hold the bricks. Critique points out flaws while still nurturing the spark that keeps a creator going. What you did wasn’t critique, it was cruelty. When the author shared how deeply your words crushed them, you didn’t take a step back and say, “Wow, maybe I came across too harsh.” No—you doubled down. And it says a lot more about your need to hear yourself sound clever than it does about the author’s talent. If this is your version of “help,” you should stop pretending it benefits anyone but your own ego.

I honestly don’t even know where to start because I am completely hooked on this story. From the first moment I started reading, I was drawn in so hard that I couldn’t stop — it’s the kind of writing that grabs you by the heart and refuses to let go. Every paragraph pulled me deeper, every chapter left me wanting more, and I’ve been eagerly waiting for updates because this story is addictive in the best possible way. I’ve been quiet up until now because life’s been hectic, but I realize I should have commented sooner to let you know how much your work means to me.

Now, about the critique that’s caused so much trouble: the points you raised aren’t just blunt, they’re misleading and dismissive. You say the story is “too long,” but pacing isn’t about length — it’s about engagement. And I, for one, was completely engaged. You claim contradictions in character behavior, yet what you’re calling inconsistency is nuance. People can be conflicted; they can both resent and care at the same time. That’s depth, not error. You sneered at clarifications like the coded dialogue or the character’s source of bodies — but not everyone catches subtle cues the first time, and explaining things isn’t a flaw, it’s clarity for the audience. You mock the tone, but style is subjective, and the tone chosen fits the story perfectly. And AI? Irrelevant. What matters is the story itself — which you clearly weren’t paying attention to.

Funny how you admit your “feedback” destroyed their will to write, but instead of apologizing sincerely, you double down on being “right.” Feedback isn’t just about what you say, but how you say it. What you gave wasn’t constructive—it was cruel, and it shows you care more about hearing yourself critique than about helping someone grow. You obliterated their confidence, positioned yourself as a mentor, and then admitted you weren’t even equipped to judge English writing? You don’t get to swing the wrecking ball and then pretend you’re there to hold the bricks. Critique points out flaws while still nurturing the spark that keeps a creator going. What you did wasn’t critique, it was cruelty. When the author shared how deeply your words crushed them, you didn’t take a step back and say, “Wow, maybe I came across too harsh.” No—you doubled down. And it says a lot more about your need to hear yourself sound clever than it does about the author’s talent. If this is your version of “help,” you should stop pretending it benefits anyone but your own ego.

You suggest that the narrative is unoriginal, though you never point to a single example of where it allegedly borrows or fails to innovate. Meanwhile, the originality lies in how familiar human struggles are refracted through the author’s particular lens — something your critique never acknowledges. Calling something “derivative” without substantiation is not criticism; it’s handwaving. Perhaps the issue is less with the author’s prose and more with your unwillingness to sit with nuance that doesn’t announce itself in neon. Depth is not measured by how loudly a theme shouts at you, but by how long it lingers after the page is turned.

Author, you are not inadequate, you are not talentless, and you are not “less than” because someone came in swinging with an ego instead of empathy. You had the courage to take an idea you’ve carried for years and bring it to life in a format most people never even try. That alone makes you a creator. And here’s the truth: “inexperienced” isn’t an insult—it’s a stage. Every single writer, even the ones this critic probably idolizes, started where you are now. Progress is built on persistence, not on being flawless from the start. Keep telling your stories, because your voice matters, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Your work is powerful, emotional, and engaging — it hooks readers, builds a community, and leaves people like me eagerly waiting for more.

Here’s the thing: people don’t remember the critics. They remember the stories. They remember the characters that made them feel something, the worlds that gave them escape, the author who took the risk to share something personal. In ten years, no one will care about this critique—but they will care if the author keeps creating, keeps growing, keeps daring to put their voice out there. So author, keep going. Be imperfect. Be messy. Be bold. Because every page you write is one more page the world wouldn’t have without you. Your community has your back.

Critic, sit down, shut the fuck up, and maybe learn the difference between constructive feedback and malicious theatrics.

OOOOH, I absolutely adore this game and cannot wait! I mean I can... but I'm so excited. Thank you!!!

This seems like it’ll add even more depth to an already beautifully written game! I’ll admit, part of me worries just a bit about how much you’re taking on—not out of doubt, but because it seems like a lot to take on. I love this game so much and would be heartbroken if it ever became too much. That said, I truly believe in what you’re creating—your talent really soars. No matter how things unfold, I’ll be perched right here, cheering you on. (In case it wasn't obvious… Raven is my favorite character! He's so sassy. And I love a punny king.)

Please tell me you're still working on this! I absolutely adore it!

This is amazing!!! Powerfully written, it draws you in and won’t let go. I loved how the LGBTQIA+ characters and families are portrayed as normal, rather than something to get hung up on. It gave me hope, so thank you for that. I can't wait for more!! (I mean, I can, don't burn yourself out, but I’ll be waiting with bated breath.)

I love this! It's enthralling and beautifully written. That being said... Is there a walkthrough available?

Thank you for your response. That makes sense.

Do you mind me asking why Tellus isn't in the Relationships tab? Is it because I haven't met him again?

This is beautiful! Normally, I would do both endings but I can't… I can't do that to them… 

Ah,  thanks for letting me know 😊

Are you still working on this game? I really hope so, because I really, really enjoy it.

I can't wait for this! It looks beautiful!

Same!

Alright, I'm excited and I can't wait. (I mean I can but I'm on the edge of my seat!)

Are we going to get more on Asterion like more on his route any time soon? I'm not trying to rush y'all but him and Luke are my favorites and the main ones I'm interested in.

Wow,I just got done reading all of your comments and just, wow, you're an asshole.

For it being your first time writing anything… I am incredibly impressed. Everything is top-tier and written wonderfully. As long as the magic system isn't introduced and then completely dropped I don't see a problem with it not being that important.

    Thank you for your empathy and concern. ☺️ I'm honestly desensitized to it by now… my father is a horrible person but I don't have him in my life bothering me anymore. It still hurts but I don't feel the despair that I used to. In fact, I find reading well-written abusive people is cathartic… I'm still not sure why… perhaps because it makes me feel seen or maybe it's because they (the abusers) often get their comeuppance. Either way, I haven't been triggered but again thank you for your concern. ☺️

     Francis sort of reminds me of my favorite teacher in high school… she honestly loved me and helped me see that I didn't deserve how my father was treating me. She was one of my best friends and although I got teased as a teacher's pet I wouldn't change how close I was to her for the world. People like Francis are indeed treasures.

It was indeed on my part. I thought I had selected a species but apparently, I had not. 🤦‍♀️ Sorry about that. Thank you for responding and being willing to check the coding. 

I'm sorry, maybe it's just my device… I feel like it may be as I cannot find anyone else who  has commented about it but I chose my character species and I keep getting an error message (edit: it's not an error message but I am unsure of what to call it):

followed by it constantly referring to my character as Mcspecies which while an epic name I don't think it was offered as a species… help?

      I truly love the story and think you're doing an amazing job! That being said, I have noticed quite a few instances of incorrect wording. I believe that having an editor could really enhance the quality of the writing. If it's not too bold, I volunteer to help because I feel your work deserves to be the best it can be, and I would love to help you accomplish that. ☺️🩷

Now the things I particularly love: (Spoiler)

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     How you wrote the father:

             I do hope that your father isn't like this. That being said as someone who has a father who is quite similar and if we were back in those times would be identical… You wrote an abusive father perfectly. The breaking of those he should love… not caring about those he should but rather about others' view of him.  The fact that he was so selfish, as to sacrifice the happiness of those he should have protected… just to make his life better. Magnificent and heartbreaking.    

     How you introduce the magic system:

             You do so in such a way that it seems natural and normal as if it truly belongs.  Sometimes people just drop magic into a story and it feels as if it comes out of nowhere… it's irritating and ruins my immersion.  You did the opposite. It drew me in more and gave me a happy surprise! Thank you for that! ☺️

     The amount of character creation and how you have it happen:

             Sometimes people stop the story just to drop the character creation which again ruins my immersion. The story shouldn't be stopped just to customize your character. If they're unable to code it in such a way as to allow the story to keep flowing I feel they should begin the story with the character creation this way you're still able to customize your character and the story isn't affected. I feel you managed to perfectly incorporate the character creation into the story. Thank you for that! 

     The introduction of characters:

             Every character is well introduced and seems to belong. You don't randomly drop any characters but instead, build the story up to meeting them or you use them to tell the story itself. I feel you did very well with that. Btw, I particularly love Francis! She's sooo sweet. Again, as someone who has a father who I would have been better off without I love that she (main character) still has a loving parental figure.

Overall: 9.5/10 I will most likely pre-order it next month! Thank you for making this and making it a great day/night.

(Edited to warn about spoilers)