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(5 edits) (+3)

      I truly love the story and think you're doing an amazing job! That being said, I have noticed quite a few instances of incorrect wording. I believe that having an editor could really enhance the quality of the writing. If it's not too bold, I volunteer to help because I feel your work deserves to be the best it can be, and I would love to help you accomplish that. ☺️🩷

Now the things I particularly love: (Spoiler)

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     How you wrote the father:

             I do hope that your father isn't like this. That being said as someone who has a father who is quite similar and if we were back in those times would be identical… You wrote an abusive father perfectly. The breaking of those he should love… not caring about those he should but rather about others' view of him.  The fact that he was so selfish, as to sacrifice the happiness of those he should have protected… just to make his life better. Magnificent and heartbreaking.    

     How you introduce the magic system:

             You do so in such a way that it seems natural and normal as if it truly belongs.  Sometimes people just drop magic into a story and it feels as if it comes out of nowhere… it's irritating and ruins my immersion.  You did the opposite. It drew me in more and gave me a happy surprise! Thank you for that! ☺️

     The amount of character creation and how you have it happen:

             Sometimes people stop the story just to drop the character creation which again ruins my immersion. The story shouldn't be stopped just to customize your character. If they're unable to code it in such a way as to allow the story to keep flowing I feel they should begin the story with the character creation this way you're still able to customize your character and the story isn't affected. I feel you managed to perfectly incorporate the character creation into the story. Thank you for that! 

     The introduction of characters:

             Every character is well introduced and seems to belong. You don't randomly drop any characters but instead, build the story up to meeting them or you use them to tell the story itself. I feel you did very well with that. Btw, I particularly love Francis! She's sooo sweet. Again, as someone who has a father who I would have been better off without I love that she (main character) still has a loving parental figure.

Overall: 9.5/10 I will most likely pre-order it next month! Thank you for making this and making it a great day/night.

(Edited to warn about spoilers)

(+2)

This was so incredibly thought out and I truly appreciate your feedback! I would be more than happy to add you as a tester. If you could DM me on https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bacchanal-if or send an email to naughtycupidgames@gmail.com I can get you set up on the Discord channel. This is my first time writing anything, so any help is wonderful. It is only important to keep to an 18th century writing style! I'm so glad that the elements you described were introduced in a way that flowed. I worried about keeping the magic system relevent because unless you choose them for a hobby/particular story options, it really isn't that important in the world, but it does exist.

I am so sorry that your father was actually like this. I did not have a James in my life, but there were, unfortunately, some similarities I could pull from. I do hope that his character hasn't triggered any bad memories, or if it has, that playing as the MC and eventually triumphing will help with them. Francis truly is a treasure!

(+1)

For it being your first time writing anything… I am incredibly impressed. Everything is top-tier and written wonderfully. As long as the magic system isn't introduced and then completely dropped I don't see a problem with it not being that important.


    Thank you for your empathy and concern. ☺️ I'm honestly desensitized to it by now… my father is a horrible person but I don't have him in my life bothering me anymore. It still hurts but I don't feel the despair that I used to. In fact, I find reading well-written abusive people is cathartic… I'm still not sure why… perhaps because it makes me feel seen or maybe it's because they (the abusers) often get their comeuppance. Either way, I haven't been triggered but again thank you for your concern. ☺️


     Francis sort of reminds me of my favorite teacher in high school… she honestly loved me and helped me see that I didn't deserve how my father was treating me. She was one of my best friends and although I got teased as a teacher's pet I wouldn't change how close I was to her for the world. People like Francis are indeed treasures.