I agree, you’re nitpicking. If anything, it’s mostly hyperbole and reads as if you simply did not take the time to read what the game presented.
Take your mention of “rips in half with a glare” apparently being the most consistent phrase in the game for example. Out of 15 instances of the word “glare” appearing in the game as of version 0.22e, only two instances are ones that mention “rips in half” in any capacity. Of these, one appears in lost_temple.rpy on line 841 and the other in post_lost_temple_shenanigans.rpy on line 1563. In other words, your complaint is about two instances in the introduction of Ashley, Sarah and Metatron, when the game currently has some 20-25 hours of gameplay and is around 310 thousand words.
Regarding Metatron thinking fast, keep in mind that it is the player character who suspects that she does. He even says as much on line 1434 in lost_temply.rpy: “— giving her near-instant planning earlier you suspect that she just thinks really fast.” Nor is the player character specified as a reliable narrator either, as far as I’m aware, and given it’s in a first-person perspective. Anything we as players experience will be limited by it. Still, thinking fast does not constitute replying fast, if anything, were I to speculate, you’d be easier to get lost chasing potential eventualities that may occur because you have so much time to reply. Regardless, it is not out of character for Metatron, so it does not matter.
Regarding your mention of Ashley walking backwards in fear, because apparently the description was not adequate enough, what was difficult to understand about them following a corridor and “running into a wall. Figuratively speaking, in your case; literally in Ashley’s, since she was walking backwards.”? That was why Sarah said “You are absolutely incorrigible.”, because Ashley do as Ashley does. Not only does this fit Sarah’s vocabulary, as established earlier when the player meets them, but also Ashley’s character as can be clearly seen in the same introduction. This is unlikely to be a unique first-time act, which is further reinforced by Sarah reacting like she does this often.
Alien does not necessarily mean extraterrestrial, I’d recommend checking the definition before commenting on such.
Likewise, as an example of the above, not every sentence needs to be short or long. They can be adapted as needed. Metatron’s introduction being a good example, it is something alien to what the player character knows and serves it well with a deeper description of it. Meanwhile, Ashley being Ashley does not necessarily mean she needs an expansive description, short and to the point can not only work but also make things better, given how they’re executed.
The vocabulary of the game is pretty good, it has good descriptions of situations, varied word use and some less common words nowadays. This does not detract from the story, people are able to use contextual clues to figure out words they don’t know most of the time either given fluency as a base requirement. But this is subjective, I personally met no words I didn’t already know, but what does that matter? Likewise, your comment on cursing is also massively subjective. I personally do not like cursing, but it is commonplace nowadays and is not something that is uncommon to occur in both calm and less calm situations.
TL;DR: The writing of this game is one of its best points, get your hyperbole outta here.