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A member registered Apr 14, 2017 · View creator page →

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I think you did an amazing job capturing each characters voice without over doing it. I could clearly tell who was speaking just by their tone and word choice. Nice work!

All fair points, regardless I did really love your story so congrats on a great piece!

One of the best, 5 stars all around. No notes!

Loved the overall concept, you may have said the words "close enough" one too many times but I got the same feedback as well so I can relate. Nothing better than sci fi freak accidents!

Thanks for sharing, For me it read a bit too much like an outline and less like a story. A perspective character may have helped. That being said keep writing, good ideas in here!

Thanks for sharing the story. Good luck on the Jam!

EXTREMELY high praise. I'm so thankful for this comment. It really turned around a slump I'm currently in.

Good effort! Sorry you weren't able to catch the copy and paste in time for the submission but still a fun read!

Maybe the best story I’ve read here so far. What an amazing concept and execution. That said if I could offer one point of criticism the connection to close enough tie in with the cards felt a bit forced. 

Definitely agree with others about breaking up your paragraphs. That being said I think this story absolutely captures what OPR is going for with their new Orc direction. Great job!

Really loved your characters and general story. I feel the pace was a bit rushed toward the end but overall a really great story. Nice job!

It was a very digestible story, however I felt more like a setup than a complete story in and of itself (a HUGE struggle to overcome with these writing tasks). Overall great job however! 

As an aside, a parent should never answer a child's question with because! It will only encourage them to do the same back! (only joking)

The story likely needed more space to be fully fleshed out since I did find myself struggling to keep up with what we were talking about. That being said your use of language in the moment was great and really gave emotion to the story. 

Great story, the world building was perfect and now I want to know more about the Havoc Wars!

Absolutely a stunner of a story. Funny but also just a tad unsettling. You walked the line of those moods so well. Huge fan of this story. 

Beautiful story, it’s one of those concepts you wish you were clever enough to have thought of. Congratulations on creating something so impactful in such a small space. Good luck in the Jam!

Wow, the comment is overwhelming in the best ways possible. Thank you so much for the kind words. Really excited to read your story as well!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story! 

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story! All good feedback, and I can’t help but think I had my “so what’re we, some kind of suicide squad?” moment in that final part but clearly couldn’t help myself. Great feedback for the future though. 

I won’t lie, I sometimes struggle to follow the journal entry format of story telling and this was no exception. That being said, I think this was a good attempt, I enjoyed you really working in the factions and their characteristics with just enough splash of details. Great job!

Thank you so much for reading! I agree with all your points, hopefully these lessons can help make future writing better. 

Really enjoyed this one. It’s tight and compact yet delivers a compelling story. I rated this one highly, thanks for sharing!

Really well done story! Not a lot of notes for me on this one, it had a good steady plot progression and was an engaging read. Obviously with the one page format it leaves pieces to the imagination that I would have liked filled in with the set up but that’s only because the rest pulled me in so much!

Really enjoyed what you wrote here, especially since I absolutely love all things Saurians. That being said I'm not sure that the overall wrapping story contributed much, I would have liked to see there be a greater takeaway from that part of the story. Great writing regardless!

Thanks for the story! Enjoyed what I read, but personally I would have left Luchta's death a bit more open ended. I mean being left for dead by your comrade (no matter how deserved) creates quite an incentive to give your soul to the scary demons known for a little old fashioned revenge!

I got to commend you on this one! You could have easily stopped with the first half and had a full assignment and yet you crammed two acts into one page, I’m impressed. Real fun read and you used the dwarves very well. Great read. 

Great dialogue, really reminds of the Death Korps of Krieg, I see one pic on your mood board even has a gas masked horse. Top ratings from me!

Orcs lend themselves to the theme really well so that was a great choice! I do find the story to be a bit matter of fact at first but it climaxes in a very satisfying way. 

Thanks for taking the time to read it!

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Much like my own story, I sense the one page squeeze was perhaps a bit too much for this story. Things lost a bit of prose and started to feel like a step by step list. That being said it was a fun attempt and I love the Starhost so was glad to have a story with them in it!

I personally got a little lost at the end but all in all a good write up, and great use of dialogue. 

Great read! Extremely well paced, would love to read more adventures of these two. 

Really loved this one. Seeing the two factions work together as the discarded misfits was awesome. The end is a bit abrupt but you did great with the space you had. 

A story of my favorite faction! Really enjoyed what was here, I agree that another round of editing for clarity may not have hurt. Overall though, it was a fun story, thanks for sharing!

Very much so enjoyed this one. For such a small word count you were able to pace this really well with the journal format. 

I’m a sucker for “more than you bargained for” type spooky tales so I greatly enjoyed this. As for constructive criticisms, it likely could have used a few more rounds of editing, but beyond that this story is awesome!

Thanks for the story! I think you really wrote a very clear story, plenty of foreshadowing to what would ultimately be the main climax of the story (maybe too much but I’m not sure since it really drove home the meticulousness of the sergeant). Loved that your mood board had real minis!

Great read! I absolutely love the perspective shift! With the size constraints it’s tough but I think you pulled it off well. Obviously would have loved to see that dynamic go on a bit more, but there is something there about how abrupt the chaos tone shifts back to calmness I enjoyed. It perfectly captures a car crash. It’s all noise and scary one second, and the next your just laying on the road (or at least that was my experience hahaha). 

Not a setting I would have ever considered for OPR but pretty fun and lends itself nicely to the theme. I’m not personally a fan of the tense but am happy I got to read something so creative! Thanks!

Thank you for the comment! I recognize I fell a bit short of my goal ultimately, but I  still really appreciate that folks such as yourself would even bother to take the time and read it.