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This was very well written and I enjoyed seeing some Dark Elf stuff (especially as someone not overly familiar with 40K lore). 

 It was not entirely clear to me what happened to the protagonist's transport--was it blown up or did he just fall out? I think it would be stronger if you really grounded his current predicament in his own choices (is he too much of a badass to wear a parachute? Is it his fault the ship didn't have defenses?)  You set that up a bit with the Witch's advice he ignores, but I'd really love a stronger grasp on how his decisions led him to this freefall.  Similarly, if you could tie the rescue into whatever theme you're aiming for, it would make it very strong (i.e. does the raider save him because of their bond? Because they have some shared sense of trust? Because he risked himself to save this guy in the past?)

Please don't think that all these notes mean I don't like it. In fact, it's one of my favorites from this jam. I think it is very close to being something truly excellent. 

Thank you so much!

Thank you! The nucleus of the idea was the way in which rich and powerful people become disconnected from humanity once they reach a point where every human need is met without question. I like the idea of self-contained sci-fi battle armor as a metaphor for mundane wealth and would have liked to explore that in conversation with the Founder/Conduit a bit more. Also, thank you for the compliment on the minis! 

Thank you! 

This is great! I appreciate that we both had a similar idea about how it kind of sucks to be a Battle Brother. The repetition accomplishes a lot here; it's one of the more stylistically sophisticated stories from the jam.

This was nice! I think I want the main character to be a little more awful so that it feels more cathartic when the tides turn. Right now, she's a little obnoxious but I think you could turn it up to 11.

The Romeo and Juliet references are a fun addition! I wish the story were told from the POV of the Titan pilots rather than the inquisitor.  Telling the story from the inquisitor's perspective uses up a lot of your word count without much payoff. 

Also, you switch back and forth between present and past tense a couple of times in the back half of the story. 

Keep writing, this is cool!