I got a real feel for the desperation and frustration of the characters!
(As for the OPR canon, I think your story could easily fit into the universe. I'd just say the Inquisition isn't as powerful and authoritative, but that doesn't mean there's no case in which an Inquisitor might have managed to secure the authority, through bribery or extortion, to command some Battle Brothers in a certain instance. So it's not impossible for an Inquisitor to command Battle Brothers - it's just something you'd have to spell out if you were going to expand the story.)