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(+4)

Hello Melancholy Marionette!

There's a lot I want to say, but writing it all down and getting my thoughts across might be a bit hard, but I'll try without going overboard. Hopefully, I don't unintentionally say something that offends you, if I do, I apologize in advance. First, I hope people like me who don't mind waiting for your game to be completed helps ease your guilt, even if a little.  I rather you stay healthy as much as possible than force yourself to do something that causes harm in anyway. Second, I wanted to thank you for sharing your mental health journey. I am truly thankful you shared your personal experiences as it helped give me more insight about my own therapy experiences. I am not new but I'm not experienced with therapy as I stuck with the same people and my fear of seeking out a new therapist makes it hard for me to acknowledge my feelings, that my therapist aren't a good fit for me and instead blame myself. So reading your experiences gave me some comfort(or maybe the confidence to acknowledge myself). While mental health diagnosis isn't normally always happy news, I am still happy you have a better understanding of yourself, I personally think its an amazing feat and admire your hard work getting there.  Lastly,  I think you have amazing game ideas and personally find your works to be creative/unique. I also admire your determination/dedication towards each of your games and I'll always be rooting for you! 

On the last note, I hope this isn't weird to say since this is coming from a stranger, but , thank you for being alive. I hope this year is more kinder to you and everyone else. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

(+1)

Hey hey! :3 Well, I really appreciate you taking the time to write what you did! It was very sweet of you ^-^ I don’t mind if anyone does write a lot anyhow because I’m guilty of always typing too much xD I really struggle to express myself in just a few words, haha.

And don’t worry, you didn’t say anything at all that offended me x3 I just thought everything you wrote was very kind :3

Honestly, it really does ease my guilt a little bit to hear people like yourself saying that you don’t mind waiting :3 I guess because, in my head, I put a lot of pressure on myself even if other people aren’t trying to push me >.< And so if the odd person does try to rush me, it’s like it really crushes me because I’ve already put so much pressure on myself, having it from anyone else is hard to handle when I’m already at breaking point, haha. 

So yeah, whenever someone like you says that it’s okay to take my time, it makes me feel like I can take a little bit of pressure off of myself and actually breathe again :3 And it also makes me realise better that I’m often pushing myself too hard for no good reason >.<

I often feel like I have to be so open about my mental health because I don’t want people to make assumptions x3 Like people seeing me making jam games fast and thinking, wow, she’s so productive! When really, it’s more like a miracle than me actually being a productive person, haha.

On top of that, I know a lot of indie game projects get abandoned or can’t be finished for one reason or another, and I just really wouldn’t want anyone to think I would abandon my projects >.< Cos I imagine it would be an easy conclusion to draw if you look and see how long development is taking, and I get asked a lot why the game hasn’t been updated yet... like at least a few times a week at this point >.< So I’d rather be upfront about my difficulties in the hope that it might help anyone who is wondering about the project’s slow progress to understand that my mental health has a huuuuge impact on productivity, but doesn’t mean I will never finish :3

That sucks that you’ve not had a great experience with therapy :( Most of the therapy I have had in life has been useless, haha, but it definitely makes a difference to be able to see someone who is a good fit for you! Same goes with medication I guess. I’ve tried sooo many different antidepressants throughout my life that have all just had horrible side effects without any upsides >.< and sometimes it was really hard to try and come off of them to even be able to try another one. It helps to have people around you who can help you realise when a therapist or a medication isn’t a good fit, but not everyone is lucky enough to have someone close to them who can help :( 

I’m not sure what it’s like where you live, but over here, I never even got a choice of therapists, haha. You just kind of get who you’re given and you have to put up with it even if it’s useless x3 I did once quit a therapy course after only 3 out of 10 sessions though because the therapist made me feel so uncomfortable >.< It was a guy, and he used to invade my personal space and ask me strange questions that didn’t seem very professional! But yeah, it makes it hard to find therapy that works when you can’t even choose who you see. If you are at all able to search for different therapists, I’d say definitely go for it and keep looking until you find one that’s right for you :3

Yeah, getting diagnosed with stuff can definitely be a double-edged sword x3 I’ve been seeing doctors and other medical professionals since I was around 16 years old, and I’ve been tested for all different sorts of disorders >.< Sometimes, I was really scared of them diagnosing me with things that I personally didn’t feel like things I had! But on the bright side, it can be really helpful to have answers if you get the right diagnosis as you say because it means you can have a better understanding of yourself and of ways you might be able to get help :3

And aww, you’re so sweet ^-^ It makes me super happy that you’ve enjoyed my games and that you think of them that way <3 It really means a lot to hear you say you find them to be unique :3 That’s one of the biggest compliments anyone could ever give me because I’d hate to discover I was making stuff that’s the same as other people x3 I’ve never fit in all my life, so it might sound kind of weird to say, but I’ve always hoped that my games also mirror that, haha.

That doesn’t sound weird to say at all! I think it’s incredibly kind of you and it almost made me cry a little when I read it x3 It might sound a bit stupid for me to say, but sometimes I feel like I don’t exist, haha. I guess because when I was at school, it was a bit like I was invisible or didn’t matter, and I think I’ve carried that into adulthood >.< In some ways, it somehow means more to hear a stranger say something like that than it does if it comes from someone close to me! So yeah, thank you for saying that :3

I hope that it’s a kinder year all around for everyone too! And that you get to have a wonderful year filled with good times and things that make you smile ^-^ Thank YOU for taking the time to write what you did!