Very rational first paragraph. I liked the Garfield example, which helped ground your argument as well as the Goodhart quote. I have to admit that even though the sample size isn't very large, I am starting to see the limits imposed by my rubric system; while this has provided me with the largest amount of creative written word written in response to my work as opposed to how little effort I spent on its development, I'm also seeing a large focus on trying to make jokes and few people actually taking this game seriously as a piece of art -- which might be a direct result of the Wittiness rubric's presence.
I disagree with your conception of a what a review is for, and I find it contradicts with your concerns about rubrics stifling creativity. I do think that reviews that tell you whether or not it's worth it to get a game can be genuinely useful (especially if the game is paid, which Please, review my game isn't), I also think that one of the marks of a great review is when they reveal something deep about the reviewer themselves. I think the strength of such a moment IS tear-jerking, which doesn't have to come from sadness but can also be awe-inspiring or sublime.
I enjoyed the playfulness of the Garfield section suggestion as well as the build-up of your Garfield obsession.
14/20