Okay. I sincerely wish that you do find fulfillment in the things that you do. I was merely suggesting alternatives that you should consider that might bring more fulfillment to your life.
[Game jams and stress]
To be honest, I find it to be the opposite. I find game jams to be less stressful because the time pressure means you don't feel any obligation to make the "perfect" game or to code cleanly. Since the game is made in such a small amount of time, it doesn't reflect poorly on me if the final game isn't the greatest or if I don't finish making a game at all. Instead, I can focus on making the most amount of fun in the least amount of time, like taking a weekend to put together a jigsaw puzzle.
[tech corpo]
By "job in Silicon Valley," I wasn't really referring to the tech corpos and the tech bro hustle. I was referring more to the lifestyle of being at a company that has attracted the top talent in the world. You get to work with other like-minded people on interesting problems with the latest, most interesting technology. You can burn through tens of thousands of dollars of computing resources over your lunch break running algorithms that only a few hundred people in the entire world have access to. The company pampers you with perks, and you get to do it in a place that attracts the best of everything from around the world--the best food, the best technology, the best weather, etc.
[Game communities and harassment]
Just based on the games from some of these communities, I can imagine that the people in those communities can be pretty toxic. I'm not familiar with the latest communities, but in the past, I thought some were considered to be more friendly (assuming that you try to avoid being toxic yourself). Weren't there subcommunities of Twine and RenPy that were more diversity focused and less toxic? Isn't the fan fiction community mostly women-focused so that they can avoid harassment from men? I think Hanon Ondricek was trying to make a secret adult subgroup of the more mature IF community too.
[depression]
Being an emotionally stunted introvert, I don't know how to respond to this. But if there's anything I can do to help, feel free to reach out.