A strong concept, that carries my enjoyment of the tale. It's refreshing to read about another faction after all the Space Dwarves stories.

There were a few hiccups in my reading of it, but most of that was on me.

All in all, I look forward to your continuing participation in the jams.

You express your concept well, and the pressure is felt throughout.

Amused by the 'Crimson Magpies' name and the 'Planetary Fists'. Magpies definitely suits the 'ooh, relics!' nature of their namesakes from that other game company.

The flow and pace of writing was really good, especially for the first two thirds of the story. Even though the sentences were a little long, they were well executed and were not a distraction with your mix of adjectives and action phrases. I was a little lost at the end but it might have just me.