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THE LAST SECRET283 days ago (2 edits)

Totally crazy story that might develop into quite some fun! Functional, but nice graphics, and adequate music.

The game just jumps into the middle of the story. Maybe a bit of foreshadowing in the intro would be nice. There's also a bit of a confusing story line with flashbacks and different persons as protagonist and decision makers. It's not as linear as most VNs, certainly interesting, but maybe needs to be made clearer to the player to follow along.

Some minor issues you might want to change:

- You use the same image next to the dialogue than on the main scene. That looks weird. I would either omit it or use only a small face of the person speaking, maybe a bit stylized.

- Save is not available at junctions where one needs it most.

- Player can't roll back beyond junctions.

- Not sure whether I like the speech bubbles. It seems like a clash of styles to me, but maybe that's just me.

- Story seems sometimes a bit contrived: why would, e.g., a newspaper print something and deny it immediately in the same article? Maybe if it were an online article that gets corrected while the player is reading it...?

In any case, a fun VN in progress! Looking forward to the end product. :)

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TriorityN283 days ago (2 edits)

Not sure what you mean  by "a newspaper print something and deny it immediately in the same article?"  If you're talking about the Editors Note, it heavily implies that Grendel was  (either directly or indirectly) behind the reporters sacking ("we cleared the lovely Grendel Jinx immediately").  That sort of denouement in a British newspaper would get a reporter fired,  Later on, the protagonist does state that Grendel is into extortion and blackmail.

As for jumping into the story - there are two introductory sections on the main menu, which should bring the player up-to-date with a) The Council and b)  the story so far

I've always used the side image to denote the current speaking character, makes things easier overall.  Might reduce the size of the side images though.

I prevent saving (easily at any rate) and rolling back at route choices, so that the player can't undo their choice.  Saves are possible here, though - just need to manually access the game menu.

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THE LAST SECRET283 days ago (1 edit)

Thanks for the reply:

Yes, I mean the editor's note: if blackmailed, he would have taken out the article before printing, not added something to it. But that's a minor inconsistency and okay in such a wacky story. :D

I overlooked the introductory sections. Maybe make them a bit more visible?

I know why you use the side image, but making it smaller and maybe only cut out the head would work better. Otherwise it's too much like twins on screen... ;)

Making life harder for players (not being able to easily undo their choice) is understanadable, but I like to paper my players, in particular in a light-hearted story. I did not find a way to save their either, as I didn't know the right key, looks like. I guess I won't be the only one...

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TriorityN283 days ago (4 edits) (+1)

The Editors Note was probably added during a second print run (to "correct" the first error) :) Whilst usually normal for an errant to be published in the next edition, I believe a same day re-print has happened before.  Plus, Grendel would "insist" on an immediate correction, anyway :). I'll make sure that's added

I've reduced the size of side image now.

Ah, the main game menu is totally disabled without the in-game GUI, so what I thought could happen (pressing ESC) isn't available.  Just remembered I disabled it anyway :)

I will make it auto-save though

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