So it was an interesting experience, but it lacked interactivity. There's a huge amount of text, and the large paragraphs really give the impression of reading a book. I found it hard to keep going, because although the story seemed interesting, I wasn't paying attention.
There are several points that could be improved: the aesthetics, so all the graphics, you have to try to have a clearer vision of what the game should look like. It might be interesting to add more illustrations and learn about UX/UI to understand what needs to be changed on the interface to make it more understandable [UX] but also more attractive [UI].
Next, you need to reduce the amount of text - it's heavy on the eyes! Or you can find a way of hiding it by doing something more akin to a modern-day Visual Novel.