Wow, there are a lot of great things!
Let's start with the melody: so much better! I don't know if what I showed you helped, but it's really great.
I love the little counterpoint of the xylophone(?) at the end of each melodic phrase. Very catchy.
The sfx are super well chosen and well integrated to the point that the sound of the elevator stalling made me slightly anxious! Bravo :D
We had the same idea for the second part to use heavy guitars, it's a bit cliché but it works well I think.
For the point of improvement, your first part repeats itself, it's not annoying in itself but when I hear two similar parts, I appreciate small variations. It can be the drums, the melody, a change of instruments, you get the idea.
Anyway it's a great piece that I like a lot.