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(2 edits)

Sure, let me explain and point out some places where that happens.

What I mean is that the wording in lot of sentences sounds unnatural to me and grammatical errors seem pretty common. I find that distracting and unpleasant.

(I’m writing these pretty quickly and a couple might come across as a bit nit-picky, but I hope my point comes across.)

For example, the very first line, “[…] In a appearance of black crystal.” (weird wording), later on “[…] Onyx fed the planet with necessary ingredients to create life.” (missing ‘the’ before ‘ingredients’) , then right after “Just like mother nurses her baby […]” (missing ‘a’ before ‘mother’), then “The barren, primordial world became a habitable planet enough to sustain life. […]” (‘a habitable enough planet’ or ‘a planet habitable enough’ work, but not ‘a habitalbe planet enough’), “Onyx knew there will be […]” (‘there would be’), “Fearing Opan will destroy […]” (‘would destroy’), “That is known as the trio of guardians.” (‘They are’, not ‘That is’), “At last ditch effort […]” (‘As a’, not ‘At’).

Errors like these being this common just gives the impression the writing was done without the proper care, you know? To me it’s the writing equivalent of a very bad first impression, and that’s why I drop vns and novels that have them at the beginning.

(+3)

Thanks for your input, I will review and make changes!