This was awesome! I think the mechanic of being able to add names is a really nice touch. The choices are pretty unpredictable, which is a fun surprise, but there are a few parts where it seems that the choice guides the player rather than the other way around (like asking for water at the bar, then being led out by the man in grey) not necessarily a bad thing, but maybe something to keep in mind if you're focusing on that. I was really interested in the storyline with the man in the huge hat, I think his reactions to the player's dialogue are fantastic. One minor and nitpicky suggestion would be to break up some of the longer bits of narrative into two sections so that the walls of text are a bit smaller. Super excited to see how that path goes if/when you decide to push it further! I think with what you have so far, the story is super engaging and playful, and much like the kinds of things I personally love to read. Really excited to see more if you choose to continue this project!
- Tien